Sometimes I Am Just Too Much Woman to Handle

Don't worry, I wouldn't blog about this if it didn't turn out completely hilarious.

So after weeks of letting everything pile up, today I decided to do the laundry! I know the excitement is just too much isn't it? I did 2.5 loads of bedding/towels/blankies/spit rags and I was so ready for a break, but then I decided nope, my work is not nearly done, so on I trekked. I did a load of darks/colors of the girls' clothing- oh how I wish they made clothes like theirs for big people. Then I did a load of whites and as I neared the bottom of the hamper there were some of Steve's t-shirts, etc... so I load everything in and then I realize there's one more thing in the hamper. So I grab it and pull it out... panties...PANTIES??? WHAT THE H?!?!?!?! Yeah you don't even want to know what was going through my head. And not even cute panties, like cheap Wal-Mart brand- penman's kinda granny looking panties. My mind wandered through, like, a million horrible scenarios. Really REALLY horrible scenarios. And then in my anger and freaking out I thought it'd be brilliant to call Steve and accuse him of all the horrible things that my head was thinking. I don't want to make it sound like he was down-playing the situation, or completely insensitive to my "feelings", but he LAUGHED AT ME. Then he told me he'd call me back- clearly, because he's in the middle of installing an alarm system in someone's house in Ft. Mac and he is kind've embarrassed by my emotional outburst that everyone on that end can hear- through the cellphone. So he calls me back when he's done, by which point I have calmed slightly. Because in the back of my mind I'm starting to maybe recognize those cheap, ugly panties. Here is the convo:
Steve: Alli, I haven't been in our house for 5wks.
Allison(crying): But they aren't MY PANTIES! (see how calm)
Steve(laughing): Do you hear what you are saying? Somehow I magically telleported cheap panties into the bottom of our laundry basket?
Allison: This is not funny. How did someone else's panties get into MY LAUNDRY?!?!?!
Steve: Describe the panties to me.
Allison: WHAT?!?!?!
Steve: Well maybe you just don't remember that they're yours, describe them to me and I'll let you know.
Allison: You are crazy. Any panties I have ever owned since I was old enough to buy them myself are from actual underwear stores. I have much better taste than this disgusting person. Just tell me whose they are, it's okay, you don't have to lie to me about it.
Steve: They're yours. How could they possibly be anyone else's?
Allison: I don't know... Ugh! This is so retarded, no other female to my knowledge has been in our bedroom, let alone leaving panties in the laundry basket.
Steve: Alli, seriously, if you've been having girls over you can let me know. But if they're leaving ugly, cheap panties around, I think you can do better (chuckling)
Allison: Not funny(my mind is starting to remember something)
Steve: Hilarious. We did the laundry right before I left TOGETHER, and we loaded the laundry basket together, so I dunno what's been happening since I left! They're yours, they couldn't be anyone else's.
Allison: Okay, I guess we'll just leave them a mystery until you get back. Whatever. (mature right?)
Then we talked about his day, and our children/life, etc... said our goodbyes- he professed his love for me, etc... and got his car stuck in two feet of slushy snow :) Karma for mocking me.
FFWD to after the convo. I go up to my room and sit on my bed holding these awful panties and then I have this flicker of light go off in my head. I have a tupperware full of old underwear that obviously doesn't fit anymore, along with other unmentionables, etc... sitting beside my nightstand. I started to go through it the other day and tossed stuff around my room, unloaded and reloaded the laundry hampers into whites/darks, all that fun stuff. I also remembered that when I started tanning before/after we got married I discovered that my lotion was staining my G's, so I bought some super cheap, nasty Wal-Mart panties to wear when I went tanning so as not to destroy all my other stuff. Um, I think you know where this is going...
Great story right? Yeah. Worst Wife Ever Award Goes To: Allison, for suspecting her husband of being another Tiger or Jesse James, when clearly he is nothing but a Hard Working Prince Charming, who at least has a sense of humor about his crazy wife :) I am SO GLAD that he can put up with me cuz quite frankly I am lacking patience with myself!

My Dad and brother found this to be an awesome anecdote at the dinner table tonight. So much so that my Dad took off to go fishing as soon as he could after. I sure hope I didn't stress him out too much, he must be so proud :P


Scott and Tara said...

Haha, that is funny!! But i have to agree, that would go though my head as well... so sad that the world is full of so many cheating husbands and wife's that we would even consider something like that. Glad Steve was able to calm you down and make you see more clearly so you could figure out who's they were! Haha!

The Staheli's said...

OH MY!!!! This is too funny! I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who has totally irrational thoughts. :) And then one thought leads to another and another...haha! Well, I'm glad it worked out. Thanks for the laugh!

Sarah said...

Funny, thanks for sharing! It could have been worse. I give Brad a hard time every time he talks about a new girl at the office, except he'll string me along and say that she's really cute etc. etc...till I really am bugged, and then he says just kidding. AGH!

Becca Jane said...

Hey, just stopped over from Seriousy So Blessed, and this story is hilarious! Made me laugh so hard!!!