I've been trying to formulate this post for a while and just figured it's time to just get it out. It's partly frustration, partly just wanting people to be more thoughtful/careful with words.
K, so we have a neighbor friend who is probably going to be baptized in the next month or so, super exciting! We referred the missionaries to her and never heard anything back from them (frustrating) but she knocked on the door a few weeks ago to ask if she could come to church with us, etc... which was pretty cool, albeit we were running behind that morning, we still got there in time for sacrament, just not as early as we'd like. I can't take much credit for initiating any of the situation because Kalea is really the best missionary I know, she knocks & walks right in! LOL So that's kind of how we got to know this neighbor and her daughter, just my kids escaping from my house and letting themselves into hers- precious/awkward, but great ice breaker! Anywho, the missionaries that we have right now are um, for some reason very unfriendly with us, which is confusing to Steve and I, and I think to our friend. So the next week our friend came to church again and when Steve took Kalea to go escort her daughter to Primary while I set up my classroom, a really interesting exchange happened. He told our friend that Kalea had gone over and knocked on the door to see if they were coming to church this morning and our friend was like, "Oh yeah, these two (gesturing to the missionaries) are making me come really early now since we were late last week" and this young, very young Elder turns to her and says "Well yeah, you don't want to be like these guys" gesturing to my husband and daughter, and basically disrespecting our family, in front of our friend who looked at him like he was an idiot. So here is where I'm at, after a few weeks of cooling off from the whole thing.
First, I understand 19-21yr old boys think they know a lot, and choose their words less carefully than the vast majority of the general adult population. So that is what it is, I would blame it on the guy trying to be funny, but Steve said the tone wasn't funny at all, so we can just blame it on immaturity and rudeness instead. We're praying that kid grows up in the next few years or he might never have the opportunity to be like us, poor him.
In one of my most favorite books, Covenant Hearts by Bruce C Hafen, he writes,
The fountainhead of human love flows from a marriage between hearts knit together by covenants. When those headwaters run pure, children and grandchildren will later sing their own hymns of grateful praise: "For the love which from our birth,/ Over and around us lies."
Imagine me singing the following then...
Steve and I have been greatly blessed to have been raised in homes where the gospel of Jesus Christ has been central to our lives from the minute we arrived on this planet. That doesn't mean we've lived it perfectly nor would we want to, or what need would we have for a Savior? But it means that it's been there, in us, every step of the way and at times when we've strayed, we've been able to come back to it. It's the foundation of our lives and when people talk about how the doctrine of Jesus Christ saves people, we know that to be true because we've lived it individually and together. We've made covenants with God individually, and together, and have been sealed in the temple, there is no vow between us of "til death do we part". Death has no power over our covenant. We live and strive to do our very best in this life and we have the promise of eternity together in the next. Our children are wrapped up in the safety of our covenant, they are ours, forever, we are theirs, forever. At 3 &4 years of age, they each have a personal relationship with their Savior and their Heavenly Father, we know because we get glimpses of it every now and then. They're teaching each other how to pray, they're asking us to read them stories about Jesus, they know all the words to "I Am a Child of God" and we hear them singing it often without prompting from us. There is a sweetness and joy in our home that words really can't do justice, even on the worst of days, it's here. Our parents and other adults close to us have taught us basic principles of self-reliance, how to set 10% aside for the Lord and how to give of ourselves whenever we have a chance. I've never lived a day on this earth without access to scripture, or access to people with knowledge of them or who have been able to teach me the gospel from them. This doesn't make us better than anyone, obviously we can't get ourselves together in time for church on Sundays, we're getting better though. This doesn't mean life is without it's struggles, we have lots of those, but it means that through these struggles we have hope that there's more to life than just this life, a sense of the bigger picture, and we know where to turn when we need help. There are a lot of people in this world who don't have that and are constantly searching for it. We are so very grateful to have what we have and to be able to share it with the people around us. I'm so grateful that one of the first conversations I had with my friend was about families, and what we believe about God and our relationship to Him and how much He loves us. That's the best kind of conversation to ever have, and I'm pretty sure it opened the door for two young men to enter my friends house. We have so much to be grateful for and we can only hope and pray that our friend is able to have the richness of these blessings in her home and family for generations to come too.
In short, that Elder has much to learn about just how great and awesome it is to be us.
11.3.13
12.2.13
Mission Accomplished!
This month there are a few things that I must-do that I don't particularly want to do. Most of them have to do with asserting myself as a parent and, as they say, "advocate for my child". Oy, I am not a fan of starting conversations like the ones I need to have this month, it's been stressing me out. I also need to advocate for myself a little bit and I'm not really looking forward to how that conversation is going to go, but I'll be happy when it's over.
Yesterday Kalea and I made our way to the Children's for her regular eye appointment. She was SO well behaved the majority of the time, and the rest were just minor hiccups that happen anywhere. The optologist we had was one we hadn't met before and I had to tell her to use the shapes that Kalea is familiar with or she won't cooperate for the exam. Once she did that she was able to get a great exam and was a lot more patient with Kalea. Then we waited for our specialist. It turns out there are a bunch of student doctors rotating with her right now so for the more intense part of the exam we had Adam. Truth be told, Kalea cooperated much better for him than she has EVER cooperated for anyone else there. It was great, and if you know Kalea's doctor, who's a little bit of a sharp shooter and not overly warm, it was nice to have this guy as a buffer, to help her bedside manner be a little more friendly, knowing that I was going to have to start an uncomfortable conversation. We got through the whole exam pretty well and the whole time I'm wondering when I'm going to get a chance to bring things up with Dr.C because she talks a lot and very fast and sometimes, so much that your head spins and she's out the door before you get a word in. So we got to the end of the appointment and she says "Well I think we'll see her again in the summer" and in my head I think how in the world am I going to start what I want to say. I literally had no clue so I just opened my mouth, and a miracle happened. I am pretty sure that what I had to say came straight from Kalea's Heavenly Father. We were able to discuss some of her behaviors that indicate to me and others how frustrated she is with her eye turning. We discussed her "sensory issues" and the access she has right now to aides who can help her adjust post-op, who we would really love to have help us with that, who we won't have ready access to when Kalea's 8 (suggested age for surgery).
At one point I was so bold to literally say "We can't just talk in circles about a surgery that could help her, that you want to delay until she's 8. I want to know every detail of what that day will look like start to finish, including what actually happens in that surgery, so as her parent I can make an informed decision about what's going to be best for her. I need to know so that we can start explaining and preparing her for that, and we can't wait until she's 8. I don't want her to have the surgery because other people notice her eye, I want you to help us because she notices her eye. So please help." GULP did I really just say that???
But guess what? Dr. C finally explained everything to me, start to finish. She finally explained why she would prefer to wait, but she heard my concerns, and she was concerned that Kalea is so aware of how she's different too. We love this doctor, but she really has no clue how much kids notice things in others and in themselves. She's finally understanding how self-aware Kalea is, and she agreed to make our first pre-op appointment for the first week of March! We'll have 3 of those before they book the surgery, but now the ball is really rolling.
HUGE VICTORY FOR KALEA! Small victory for mom, because this has so much more to do with Kalea. I'm so grateful that I had some help in knowing what to say and how to say it so that our doctor would get the bigger picture and start thinking less generally and more specifically in regards to our child. I am learning lately that doctors tend to generalize quite a bit, instead of treating each person as a unique case, not okay for our family. Hopefully this first victory gives me the courage I need for the rest of this months conversations.
Yesterday Kalea and I made our way to the Children's for her regular eye appointment. She was SO well behaved the majority of the time, and the rest were just minor hiccups that happen anywhere. The optologist we had was one we hadn't met before and I had to tell her to use the shapes that Kalea is familiar with or she won't cooperate for the exam. Once she did that she was able to get a great exam and was a lot more patient with Kalea. Then we waited for our specialist. It turns out there are a bunch of student doctors rotating with her right now so for the more intense part of the exam we had Adam. Truth be told, Kalea cooperated much better for him than she has EVER cooperated for anyone else there. It was great, and if you know Kalea's doctor, who's a little bit of a sharp shooter and not overly warm, it was nice to have this guy as a buffer, to help her bedside manner be a little more friendly, knowing that I was going to have to start an uncomfortable conversation. We got through the whole exam pretty well and the whole time I'm wondering when I'm going to get a chance to bring things up with Dr.C because she talks a lot and very fast and sometimes, so much that your head spins and she's out the door before you get a word in. So we got to the end of the appointment and she says "Well I think we'll see her again in the summer" and in my head I think how in the world am I going to start what I want to say. I literally had no clue so I just opened my mouth, and a miracle happened. I am pretty sure that what I had to say came straight from Kalea's Heavenly Father. We were able to discuss some of her behaviors that indicate to me and others how frustrated she is with her eye turning. We discussed her "sensory issues" and the access she has right now to aides who can help her adjust post-op, who we would really love to have help us with that, who we won't have ready access to when Kalea's 8 (suggested age for surgery).
At one point I was so bold to literally say "We can't just talk in circles about a surgery that could help her, that you want to delay until she's 8. I want to know every detail of what that day will look like start to finish, including what actually happens in that surgery, so as her parent I can make an informed decision about what's going to be best for her. I need to know so that we can start explaining and preparing her for that, and we can't wait until she's 8. I don't want her to have the surgery because other people notice her eye, I want you to help us because she notices her eye. So please help." GULP did I really just say that???
But guess what? Dr. C finally explained everything to me, start to finish. She finally explained why she would prefer to wait, but she heard my concerns, and she was concerned that Kalea is so aware of how she's different too. We love this doctor, but she really has no clue how much kids notice things in others and in themselves. She's finally understanding how self-aware Kalea is, and she agreed to make our first pre-op appointment for the first week of March! We'll have 3 of those before they book the surgery, but now the ball is really rolling.
HUGE VICTORY FOR KALEA! Small victory for mom, because this has so much more to do with Kalea. I'm so grateful that I had some help in knowing what to say and how to say it so that our doctor would get the bigger picture and start thinking less generally and more specifically in regards to our child. I am learning lately that doctors tend to generalize quite a bit, instead of treating each person as a unique case, not okay for our family. Hopefully this first victory gives me the courage I need for the rest of this months conversations.
30.1.13
A Very Long Picture-less Pregnancy Update and The Return of Pregnancy Kidney Stone(s)
I haven't really posted much about this pregnancy so far, mostly for lack of sheer desire to actually blog, but also because it's been so normal so far, different than the others but the same. Until this week, well until last month really, but for the sake of my own record keeping and maybe someone else experiencing similar pains, we shall write for the greater good! Ha! First an update...
This pregnancy so far has been pretty text book, first trimester sporadic puke-fest and tired, second trimester belly expansion and tired (actually SUPER tired?), third trimester energy- I think my 2nd and 3rd trimesters are confused but I'll take energy through the last leg of this pregnancy, that works better for my kiddos. So far at week 25 I'm not swelling like crazy and I can take off my engagement ring with more ease than when I'm not pregnant? In fact at this point with Brynlee I couldn't even get it on/off so I battled it off one day and it stayed off until a few months post delivery, that was super sad. I find myself staying up way too late and waking up around 4 to use the bathroom and then it takes forever to get back to sleep because that seems to be baby's early morning dance party time. So far I have found this one far less active than my others, unless it's a super inconvenient time for me, like those early morning hours. If I go out I'm still able to throw on my normal person jeans with the top button done up using a small hair elastic- ghetto version of a belly band I guess. I'm trying to hold off on regularly wearing my maternity stuff until the spring weather comes. Mostly because my maternity stuff that fits best is more capris and shorts, and I have this weird theory that maybe if I force my body to stay in normal clothes longer, it'll keep my hips from expanding so much this time around? BAHAHAHA I am so funny! I will be a whale by the end of all this I am sure. So far I feel like I'm carrying this kid soooooooo differently from the other two, it makes me think that maybe the ultrasound was wrong and this kid might be a boy- that could just be wishful thinking too though. I feel much smaller this time around "which is weird for a 3rd baby"- exactly the words EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG use when they find out I'm on #3. I'm amazed by it too, but I think people forget that my first two were only 14mths apart, so my body just relaxed back into baby mode and got big fast with the second. This time my body has had 3+ years to get back to normal and in that time I've found workout programs that work with the female body and changed some eating habits up, so I'm just being smarter about pregnancy in general this time and chasing two kids around all day helps too. I am pretty sure this pregnancy is more like the first since we are heading down the same road again...
It started around week 19/20, this familiar aching back business, in my mind I thought, oh geeze here we go again, but thankfully I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for that week. Ahem, this is my GP or "family doctor" who seems to be lacking some form of bedside manner that makes a doctor LISTEN to a patient. By this point in pregnancy #1 I had already been referred to my baby doctor, so GP has no real knowledge of my history with stones, the visit went like this. I lie down, he feels my belly, listens to baby's heartbeat, gets mad at me for sitting up without rolling onto my side first and then tells me there's some protein in my urine, nothing to be worried about though and asks if anything is bothering me? Which is when I say, hmmm interesting that there's protein in my urine, and I've had this weird back pain starting up again, in my first pregnancy I had two very large kidney stones and these are the same things that presented but that baby doc and I couldn't figure out until near the end. GP says of course very knowledgeably "well the protein has nothing to do with kidney stones, describe this pain to me and I'll tell you if it's stones or not" INSERT MY GIANT ROLLING EYES RIGHT ABOUT THEN BECAUSE NO MAN WILL EVER KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE KIDNEY STONES AND BE PREGNANT but friends with doctor husbands, let it be known at least for me, this is what it feels like at the first onset, "The pain wraps around the ribcage right under where your bra sits, your back aches almost like you need it cracked, but that kind of squeezing only intensifies the pain, I can manage it fairly well with a couple extra strength tylenol and a soak in the tub, it happens for 2 nights in a row between 10:30 and 11:30 and then the pain disappears" GP says does the pain radiate into your groin? and I respond "No, but it never did with my other stones either because they got stuck in the ureter on the way to my bladder because baby had squished the tube, etc..." and he says to me "No, it's not stones, when you're pregnant your organs get squished up into your ribcage and you get pressure and expansion in there and it causes discomfort, kidney stones cause this type of pain"(which is the same as what I described only doesn't go past the kid) so I respond with, "I know what kidney stones feel like in pregnancy I had them with my first baby and this is exactly the same" GP "well we'll monitor it but it's not kidney stones" monitor as in he plans to do nothing about it and in my mind I'm thinking YOU ARE SO DUMB and other colorful words but what came out was "Have you sent my referral to my baby doctor yet, because she'll be wanting to send me for a bunch of tests right away" GP "I'm sending it right now". K now here is what the rest of the pain feels like in a subsequent stone attack, the back pain has started so you take a bath, then you get out and your boobs ache like they're going to explode and no amount of support helps them feel better. Then on top of the intense backache you want to curl up into the fetal position but you can't because it feels like a few inches below your breastbone, contractions are starting, but not labor-like contractions, because they don't radiate all the way down into your pelvis, just the top of your "fundus" (which in labor is how they start and help push the baby down and out) But no these waves of contractions are different in the sense that they roll in and out in a completely unpredictable pattern, not 5mins apart but more like seconds and then you could get a break for a long stretch while you deal with the back hurting again, and then when that subsides the front starts again. They squeeze they don't really roll in like contractions do. Then you find yourself simultaneously heaving the entire contents of your stomach into the bathtub and needing to use the toilet, and you might feel slightly feverish in that particular moment, but not really any other time. Did I mention that the pain is PRIMAL? Like, you want to tear your clothes off and your mind is completely consumed with swirling thoughts of how to make the pain go away. You wonder how your body isn't shaking like when you go into labor and then you try to use labor positions to ease your pain, but they don't help at all. This is the kind of pain where you find yourself writhing around in a bathtub of lukewarm water telling your husband in no uncertain terms that you are 100% sure you are going to die but with a stone cold look on your face that actually makes him believe you. In labor you sweat and you heave and you might cry and talk crazy, but it's all screamy talking and more innocent, and then there's this element of joyful anticipation mixed into it. The kidney stone pain is not sweaty pain, it literally dehydrates you and makes your body feel like a ton of bricks, it's hard to talk or breath or make any sound, so for the most part it's a lot of very quiet pain management. For example, I came into the bedroom where Steve was sleeping and dumped my body on the bed and literally flopped my arm near his face to get his attention and said "I need you awake" and when he asked why all I could say was "my back" in a loud whisper. This is the kind of pain that doesn't shoot endorphins into your body and make you loopy to help you cope, in fact during the pain I'm half wondering why the heck my body isn't helping me deal with the pain. This second "attack" lasted at least 5hrs, it was probably longer but I stopped checking the clock at around 3:30, it started at 10ish. In all of the medical research I've read regarding kidney stones, doctors say normally an attack will last a few minutes to an hour, but most last about 20 minutes and then there might be a stretch of relief from the pain.
If I have one more stupid man or ra-ra natural birth person tell me that it's not stone pain, or how would I know if it's worse than labor since I've had epidurals, I will punch them in the face. I can comfortably labor to 8cms and be talking and laughing with nurses, in fact with Kalea I almost didn't get the epidural because they were stuck in a c-section and the only reason I was adamant to have it was because I knew I had a stone that could possibly end up causing me pain in delivery too, no thanks. With Brynlee I only asked for it because they were right across the hall, but I was comfortable and probably could've done it without. Even with an epidural, they cut you off so that you can push effectively so you miss the "transition pain" but you feel the pain of pushing a living thing out of your lady parts. That kind of hurt and a kidney stone kind of hurt are two VERY DIFFERENT HURTS. I would rather deliver 100 babies than deal with the pain of kidney stones, I bet I would rather feel transition 100 times over kidney stones. I think nobody with kidney stones would opt to have that kind of pain instead of labor pain, or any other pain, seriously. I can't imagine what it feels like to actually pass a stone, but I'm certainly not even a little curious about it just knowing how bad it is when it's stuck. Shudder.
Now for the awesome divine intervention parts of the story. First my Dad and Steve were able to give me a blessing during the attack that helped calm my mind and realize that I was not in fact going to die, that made me feel better. I was finally able to get rest and even woke up before Steve did to tend the kids. The morning after the attack I called the baby doctor office and they sent me to the hospital where I normally deliver because the doctors rotate between the hospital and the low risk maternity clinic, so off I went. They listened to everything and were beyond nice, the nurses were great and the doctor was so interested in every detail. They all agreed that my GP needs to be smacked upside the head, so therefore I love them. They booked my ultrasound for me, and luckily I got one of the last 2 available appts left, the next wasn't until Feb.15. Huge blessing since they did find at least one stone at the ultrasound and my baby doc will have the report at my appt on Friday, so we can get moving with a treatment plan quickly now. In the meantime, they prescribed me things that can help me if I have an attack again and my file is started at the hospital already. Super grateful for all the blessings of this week so far, it's hard not to acknowledge how fortunate I am to live where I do with quick access to facilities that can help and close to family who can take care of my kids and me too. In all of this I'm grateful for the modern medicines that exist that can help me and I'll be taking them, I'm not trying to prove how tough I am, even though at this point I'd say I'm pretty much Hercules, I just don't want to feel that pain if I don't have to, I think nobody should ever have to feel that pain.
Over the past few days I've been processing quite a lot, and I find myself completely baffled. I don't know how Jesus did the atonement, I really cannot fathom not only feeling and processing the physical pains of every person who has ever existed but also feeling and processing the emotional pains simultaneously, in one night. I feel fortunate that I have a small glimpse into what He physically suffered just for me though, I am so grateful that He did that. Grateful to have some idea of just how deeply He must love all of us, and I'm hopeful that through these painful experiences I can learn to have more compassion for people in their pains and love a little more like Him.
This pregnancy so far has been pretty text book, first trimester sporadic puke-fest and tired, second trimester belly expansion and tired (actually SUPER tired?), third trimester energy- I think my 2nd and 3rd trimesters are confused but I'll take energy through the last leg of this pregnancy, that works better for my kiddos. So far at week 25 I'm not swelling like crazy and I can take off my engagement ring with more ease than when I'm not pregnant? In fact at this point with Brynlee I couldn't even get it on/off so I battled it off one day and it stayed off until a few months post delivery, that was super sad. I find myself staying up way too late and waking up around 4 to use the bathroom and then it takes forever to get back to sleep because that seems to be baby's early morning dance party time. So far I have found this one far less active than my others, unless it's a super inconvenient time for me, like those early morning hours. If I go out I'm still able to throw on my normal person jeans with the top button done up using a small hair elastic- ghetto version of a belly band I guess. I'm trying to hold off on regularly wearing my maternity stuff until the spring weather comes. Mostly because my maternity stuff that fits best is more capris and shorts, and I have this weird theory that maybe if I force my body to stay in normal clothes longer, it'll keep my hips from expanding so much this time around? BAHAHAHA I am so funny! I will be a whale by the end of all this I am sure. So far I feel like I'm carrying this kid soooooooo differently from the other two, it makes me think that maybe the ultrasound was wrong and this kid might be a boy- that could just be wishful thinking too though. I feel much smaller this time around "which is weird for a 3rd baby"- exactly the words EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG use when they find out I'm on #3. I'm amazed by it too, but I think people forget that my first two were only 14mths apart, so my body just relaxed back into baby mode and got big fast with the second. This time my body has had 3+ years to get back to normal and in that time I've found workout programs that work with the female body and changed some eating habits up, so I'm just being smarter about pregnancy in general this time and chasing two kids around all day helps too. I am pretty sure this pregnancy is more like the first since we are heading down the same road again...
It started around week 19/20, this familiar aching back business, in my mind I thought, oh geeze here we go again, but thankfully I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for that week. Ahem, this is my GP or "family doctor" who seems to be lacking some form of bedside manner that makes a doctor LISTEN to a patient. By this point in pregnancy #1 I had already been referred to my baby doctor, so GP has no real knowledge of my history with stones, the visit went like this. I lie down, he feels my belly, listens to baby's heartbeat, gets mad at me for sitting up without rolling onto my side first and then tells me there's some protein in my urine, nothing to be worried about though and asks if anything is bothering me? Which is when I say, hmmm interesting that there's protein in my urine, and I've had this weird back pain starting up again, in my first pregnancy I had two very large kidney stones and these are the same things that presented but that baby doc and I couldn't figure out until near the end. GP says of course very knowledgeably "well the protein has nothing to do with kidney stones, describe this pain to me and I'll tell you if it's stones or not" INSERT MY GIANT ROLLING EYES RIGHT ABOUT THEN BECAUSE NO MAN WILL EVER KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE KIDNEY STONES AND BE PREGNANT but friends with doctor husbands, let it be known at least for me, this is what it feels like at the first onset, "The pain wraps around the ribcage right under where your bra sits, your back aches almost like you need it cracked, but that kind of squeezing only intensifies the pain, I can manage it fairly well with a couple extra strength tylenol and a soak in the tub, it happens for 2 nights in a row between 10:30 and 11:30 and then the pain disappears" GP says does the pain radiate into your groin? and I respond "No, but it never did with my other stones either because they got stuck in the ureter on the way to my bladder because baby had squished the tube, etc..." and he says to me "No, it's not stones, when you're pregnant your organs get squished up into your ribcage and you get pressure and expansion in there and it causes discomfort, kidney stones cause this type of pain"(which is the same as what I described only doesn't go past the kid) so I respond with, "I know what kidney stones feel like in pregnancy I had them with my first baby and this is exactly the same" GP "well we'll monitor it but it's not kidney stones" monitor as in he plans to do nothing about it and in my mind I'm thinking YOU ARE SO DUMB and other colorful words but what came out was "Have you sent my referral to my baby doctor yet, because she'll be wanting to send me for a bunch of tests right away" GP "I'm sending it right now". K now here is what the rest of the pain feels like in a subsequent stone attack, the back pain has started so you take a bath, then you get out and your boobs ache like they're going to explode and no amount of support helps them feel better. Then on top of the intense backache you want to curl up into the fetal position but you can't because it feels like a few inches below your breastbone, contractions are starting, but not labor-like contractions, because they don't radiate all the way down into your pelvis, just the top of your "fundus" (which in labor is how they start and help push the baby down and out) But no these waves of contractions are different in the sense that they roll in and out in a completely unpredictable pattern, not 5mins apart but more like seconds and then you could get a break for a long stretch while you deal with the back hurting again, and then when that subsides the front starts again. They squeeze they don't really roll in like contractions do. Then you find yourself simultaneously heaving the entire contents of your stomach into the bathtub and needing to use the toilet, and you might feel slightly feverish in that particular moment, but not really any other time. Did I mention that the pain is PRIMAL? Like, you want to tear your clothes off and your mind is completely consumed with swirling thoughts of how to make the pain go away. You wonder how your body isn't shaking like when you go into labor and then you try to use labor positions to ease your pain, but they don't help at all. This is the kind of pain where you find yourself writhing around in a bathtub of lukewarm water telling your husband in no uncertain terms that you are 100% sure you are going to die but with a stone cold look on your face that actually makes him believe you. In labor you sweat and you heave and you might cry and talk crazy, but it's all screamy talking and more innocent, and then there's this element of joyful anticipation mixed into it. The kidney stone pain is not sweaty pain, it literally dehydrates you and makes your body feel like a ton of bricks, it's hard to talk or breath or make any sound, so for the most part it's a lot of very quiet pain management. For example, I came into the bedroom where Steve was sleeping and dumped my body on the bed and literally flopped my arm near his face to get his attention and said "I need you awake" and when he asked why all I could say was "my back" in a loud whisper. This is the kind of pain that doesn't shoot endorphins into your body and make you loopy to help you cope, in fact during the pain I'm half wondering why the heck my body isn't helping me deal with the pain. This second "attack" lasted at least 5hrs, it was probably longer but I stopped checking the clock at around 3:30, it started at 10ish. In all of the medical research I've read regarding kidney stones, doctors say normally an attack will last a few minutes to an hour, but most last about 20 minutes and then there might be a stretch of relief from the pain.
If I have one more stupid man or ra-ra natural birth person tell me that it's not stone pain, or how would I know if it's worse than labor since I've had epidurals, I will punch them in the face. I can comfortably labor to 8cms and be talking and laughing with nurses, in fact with Kalea I almost didn't get the epidural because they were stuck in a c-section and the only reason I was adamant to have it was because I knew I had a stone that could possibly end up causing me pain in delivery too, no thanks. With Brynlee I only asked for it because they were right across the hall, but I was comfortable and probably could've done it without. Even with an epidural, they cut you off so that you can push effectively so you miss the "transition pain" but you feel the pain of pushing a living thing out of your lady parts. That kind of hurt and a kidney stone kind of hurt are two VERY DIFFERENT HURTS. I would rather deliver 100 babies than deal with the pain of kidney stones, I bet I would rather feel transition 100 times over kidney stones. I think nobody with kidney stones would opt to have that kind of pain instead of labor pain, or any other pain, seriously. I can't imagine what it feels like to actually pass a stone, but I'm certainly not even a little curious about it just knowing how bad it is when it's stuck. Shudder.
Now for the awesome divine intervention parts of the story. First my Dad and Steve were able to give me a blessing during the attack that helped calm my mind and realize that I was not in fact going to die, that made me feel better. I was finally able to get rest and even woke up before Steve did to tend the kids. The morning after the attack I called the baby doctor office and they sent me to the hospital where I normally deliver because the doctors rotate between the hospital and the low risk maternity clinic, so off I went. They listened to everything and were beyond nice, the nurses were great and the doctor was so interested in every detail. They all agreed that my GP needs to be smacked upside the head, so therefore I love them. They booked my ultrasound for me, and luckily I got one of the last 2 available appts left, the next wasn't until Feb.15. Huge blessing since they did find at least one stone at the ultrasound and my baby doc will have the report at my appt on Friday, so we can get moving with a treatment plan quickly now. In the meantime, they prescribed me things that can help me if I have an attack again and my file is started at the hospital already. Super grateful for all the blessings of this week so far, it's hard not to acknowledge how fortunate I am to live where I do with quick access to facilities that can help and close to family who can take care of my kids and me too. In all of this I'm grateful for the modern medicines that exist that can help me and I'll be taking them, I'm not trying to prove how tough I am, even though at this point I'd say I'm pretty much Hercules, I just don't want to feel that pain if I don't have to, I think nobody should ever have to feel that pain.
Over the past few days I've been processing quite a lot, and I find myself completely baffled. I don't know how Jesus did the atonement, I really cannot fathom not only feeling and processing the physical pains of every person who has ever existed but also feeling and processing the emotional pains simultaneously, in one night. I feel fortunate that I have a small glimpse into what He physically suffered just for me though, I am so grateful that He did that. Grateful to have some idea of just how deeply He must love all of us, and I'm hopeful that through these painful experiences I can learn to have more compassion for people in their pains and love a little more like Him.
8.1.13
Christmas 2012 or A Really Long Catch Up Post
I am super far behind on any type of blogging so I figured I should probably get updating, at least a little bit. In my defense, we have spent much of the last 3 weeks rotating sickness and are just now finally recovering enough to do more than lie in bed and watch Netflix. PS I'm so thankful for Netflix, yes I am.
Anyways, we didn't get around to doing as much as we would've liked to but we still made time for most of our favorite traditions. We were able to attend our ward Christmas party which was so well done, I didn't see my kids that whole morning! We made our gingerbread houses. I was smart this year and shopped the Canadian Black Friday deals and wound up scoring a gingerbread kit with 4 mini-houses, so the girls could really join in with Steve and my "decorating challenge". It worked out that our Elf, Sparkles brought the kit for us one day, so the kids were pretty excited to help us with them. I do think next year I'll get the normal sized houses, the mini ones presented quite a challenge for Steve and I, but they were perfect for the girls this year.
From left mine, Brynlee's, Kalea's, Steve's. I got the "modern cottage" which Steve thought looked like an outhouse, but I tried to make it the most attractive looking outhouse ever, and I think I succeeded. I was surprised by how much the girls actually enjoyed this activity this year, I really didn't think we'd end up spending as much time as we did, but it was great and it's nice to know that we are establishing traditions that they love just as much as we do.
This year we did Christmas with Steve's family on the 23rd. It was awesome and the kids had so much fun with their cousins, there was pretty much zero whining this year?? I guess they're growing up, yay! That made it a lot more fun for us too! It's so fun for our kids to have so many cousins so close in age, we love seeing them altogether. Kalea has developed the "cousin crush" and has been talking non-stop about Jaxen since Christmas, "Jaxen is so handsome, he's a prince, I want to marry him" etc etc... Of course we do the whole, "you can't marry your cousin" schpiel about a hundred times a day now, but it's cute that she loves her cousin so much. I did neglect to get any pix of the two of them together, but this one is when Serena's kids were singing Christmas songs and Brynlee decided to join in and sing along, pretty funny.
We also managed to get out and drive through the lights at Spruce Meadows a few times this year. The first time we went I hadn't brought my camera or cell phone and I was kicking myself for it because I knew the combination of frost/snow that we had wouldn't last. It was so beautiful. It still was when we went the second time, Kalea loved it both times, Brynlee slept through it both times but got woken up for a picture in the cold the second time around, heehee!
I didn't get tons of pix this night because it was so cold, but they have a huge amount of lights strung all through the grounds, enclosed display areas that you can go into to warm up and take pictures in. Skating rinks, Santa's reindeer hang out there, an awesome Christmas market in November, etc... We love hearing girls high-pitched squeals from the backseat too, it's amazing how much kids love Christmas lights, they actually squeal just as much driving around our neighborhood at Christmas time as they do when we go see displays like Spruce Meadows.
We spent Christmas Eve with our McMurray family and ate way too much and had fun watching the girls dance to our stellar Christmas carol singing. The girls had probably way too much Christmas punch and were pretty hyper all night, they did lay down to listen to Papa read from Luke II, but it seems like he read it a little faster this year, that or they just bounced right up after. The girls were also very excited about presents this year and so we had them give Stephen and Michelle and Nana and Papa their gifts to open so that they could see their reactions, it was really fun for them. Once we got everyone home and into bed, Steve and I got busy doing what parents do on Christmas Eve....
I wrapped presents and arranged them under the Christmas tree like a good Elf and Steve...
Built this masterpiece! We were thrilled as we unwrapped each piece and realized that we did REALLY well with buying a very high quality gift at an extremely reasonable price. Our girls are pretty hard on things, so we were more than happy to find a sturdy wood alternative to what would inevitably end up a broken plastic heap of a dollhouse. So far so good, all the pieces are still in tact!
*This is where Christmas takes a turn...*
At around 2:30a.m. Steve started feeling pretty sick, I'd been feeling kinda icky earlier but thought I probably just stuffed myself with too much sweet & savory food. I was wrong. Steve and I basically alternated using the bathroom all night long, it was an awful night. On the bright side, the kids slept in?! Unheard of in this house! It gave us just a little extra time to try to gather some energy for the Christmas morning festivities. We do think we know what we had now, apparently there was a large outbreak of the Norwalk virus in Calgary over the Christmas holidays, and wouldn't you know it, we had basically every symptom of that! Lucky us!
So back to Christmas morning... It was really difficult to get a decent stair picture of these two this year, they were so excited and couldn't both keep still at the same time, story of my life. Oh well, the out-takes are cute too! It took forever to get them past their stockings this year and I can't figure out why, I literally put socks, a toothbrush & toothpaste, a couple small dolls and a hairbrush each in their stockings this year and you would've thought they had hit the jackpot. If I had known I wouldn't have bought anything else besides the dollhouse! Anyways, Steve was so sick that I think he was only really aware of what was happening, not really involved, so this year I got to hand out presents! That never happens! It was awesome, I had enough time to snap some pictures and the kids were actually able to get the wrapping off their gifts before having another gift tossed at them! Not that Steve would EVER try to rush the opening gifts part of Christmas morning...
There were some really fun reactions on Christmas morning. Our neighbor has two cats and so as gifts for the girls she found two stuffed cats that look like hers and got them each little collars and had them engraved with the cats names. I think besides the dollhouse those cats are their favorite gifts, we can't go to bed without Mia and Lucy, we can't color without them and we can't eat without them, it's really cute, we love our neighbor. Nothing really beats the reaction to the dollhouse though, Kalea and Brynlee were SO excited and so were Steve and I. The best part was hearing "Daddy, you built that for me?! Oh thank you!" it was the sweetest thing. I was smart and caught everything on video and on the still camera, someday I'll figure out how to put video's on the blog, until then, you can imagine how cute this morning was. That's pretty much our Christmas, we were pretty spoiled and are very grateful for the awesome gifts and food and fun we were able to enjoy this Christmas. The girls spent the rest of Christmas day and the following few days playing with their new toys while Steve and I basically took turns sleeping. It was super special. Then the kids got sick and I got this nasty head/chest cold and we've been passing that around ever since. We did get out sporadically but really we've just been spending a lot of time at home, together, resting and trying to get better.
We did have a great Christmas we just wish we could've been a little bit healthier to enjoy it a bit more, we have high hopes for next year's fun lasting a little longer!
Anyways, we didn't get around to doing as much as we would've liked to but we still made time for most of our favorite traditions. We were able to attend our ward Christmas party which was so well done, I didn't see my kids that whole morning! We made our gingerbread houses. I was smart this year and shopped the Canadian Black Friday deals and wound up scoring a gingerbread kit with 4 mini-houses, so the girls could really join in with Steve and my "decorating challenge". It worked out that our Elf, Sparkles brought the kit for us one day, so the kids were pretty excited to help us with them. I do think next year I'll get the normal sized houses, the mini ones presented quite a challenge for Steve and I, but they were perfect for the girls this year.
This year we did Christmas with Steve's family on the 23rd. It was awesome and the kids had so much fun with their cousins, there was pretty much zero whining this year?? I guess they're growing up, yay! That made it a lot more fun for us too! It's so fun for our kids to have so many cousins so close in age, we love seeing them altogether. Kalea has developed the "cousin crush" and has been talking non-stop about Jaxen since Christmas, "Jaxen is so handsome, he's a prince, I want to marry him" etc etc... Of course we do the whole, "you can't marry your cousin" schpiel about a hundred times a day now, but it's cute that she loves her cousin so much. I did neglect to get any pix of the two of them together, but this one is when Serena's kids were singing Christmas songs and Brynlee decided to join in and sing along, pretty funny.
*This is where Christmas takes a turn...*
At around 2:30a.m. Steve started feeling pretty sick, I'd been feeling kinda icky earlier but thought I probably just stuffed myself with too much sweet & savory food. I was wrong. Steve and I basically alternated using the bathroom all night long, it was an awful night. On the bright side, the kids slept in?! Unheard of in this house! It gave us just a little extra time to try to gather some energy for the Christmas morning festivities. We do think we know what we had now, apparently there was a large outbreak of the Norwalk virus in Calgary over the Christmas holidays, and wouldn't you know it, we had basically every symptom of that! Lucky us!
We did have a great Christmas we just wish we could've been a little bit healthier to enjoy it a bit more, we have high hopes for next year's fun lasting a little longer!
12.12.12
Silly Women
So I need to vent and I'm going to do it here, for conversations sake of course- that is if anyone still reads this.
What the heck is with this "wear pants to church movement"??? It is driving me mental. I can admit there are some things about our church that make us different, a lot of them are more cultural than doctrinal, really truly. Tonight I am so happy that I don't live in Utah, or any of the places where the women who started this crazy facebook page live. I'm super extra happy with the fact that when I was in a leadership role over the women in our ward, we were able to basically tell the women "Wear whatever you want to church as long as it's your best and it's modest", I like that every activity didn't come with the mandate to wear a skirt. I like that we didn't have to stage a "pants protest" during sacrament meeting to let everyone know that "By golly we are not wearing skirts anymore, we are feminists and feminists wear pants!". Good gosh. The amount of eye-rolling I've done today has rivaled the total sum of the eye-rolling I did between the ages of 12-18, that's A LOT. My head hurts. What I have loved, and what I still love are the comments from women around the world, outside of the "cultural hub" of our church, their comments about how they wear pants/skirts/kilts/etc... and nobody says anything are so great.
Dear Utah church members, there is nothing in any current handbook that says women must wear skirts, I know because I had one of those blessed books and no man in his right mind would try to dictate that to a woman in this day and age, at least no man that I know. I go to church with lots of women that wear pants, or have worn pants. Heck I wear cotton tights with above knee-length dresses *gasp* and nobody says a word, are those tights not really pants? Any other day of the week they are... I know a few women who have worn dress pants because they have rowdy kids that they have literally had to crawl under and over pews to catch, and obviously a skirt isn't attire for dealing with kids that crazy. I know women that wear pants or even long skirts because they don't like showing their legs, or they really just hate skirts, had some traumatic experiences as children and will never wear a skirt again, etc... Who knows, but who really cares? Maybe in the bubble it's just another thing for people to nit-pick and criticize each other for, but where I come from if some wonderful lady wants to wear dress pants to church, I'm not judging her.
I don't think God expects any of us to come to church with some sort of agenda. I think He expects us to come to worship Him and His Son. Sacrament meeting, we've been reminded recently, is similar to a funeral service, in the fact that we're remembering our Savior and all that He did for us and continues to do for us. If for some reason it becomes a place for protest, don't you think that's a little disrespectful? If a bunch of women wear pants to church on Sunday, good for them. If the issue is reflective of a deeper concern on the part of a collective group of women, they should probably get together and find a way to reach out to church leadership, write some letters, talk to Bishops and Stake Presidents and use the channels that are there for communication, there are plenty. But please, don't pollute one of our most sacred rituals with your "pants protest". The fact that this is even happening is so silly since, once again, there's nothing anywhere that says you can't wear pants to church.
Rant completed.
What the heck is with this "wear pants to church movement"??? It is driving me mental. I can admit there are some things about our church that make us different, a lot of them are more cultural than doctrinal, really truly. Tonight I am so happy that I don't live in Utah, or any of the places where the women who started this crazy facebook page live. I'm super extra happy with the fact that when I was in a leadership role over the women in our ward, we were able to basically tell the women "Wear whatever you want to church as long as it's your best and it's modest", I like that every activity didn't come with the mandate to wear a skirt. I like that we didn't have to stage a "pants protest" during sacrament meeting to let everyone know that "By golly we are not wearing skirts anymore, we are feminists and feminists wear pants!". Good gosh. The amount of eye-rolling I've done today has rivaled the total sum of the eye-rolling I did between the ages of 12-18, that's A LOT. My head hurts. What I have loved, and what I still love are the comments from women around the world, outside of the "cultural hub" of our church, their comments about how they wear pants/skirts/kilts/etc... and nobody says anything are so great.
Dear Utah church members, there is nothing in any current handbook that says women must wear skirts, I know because I had one of those blessed books and no man in his right mind would try to dictate that to a woman in this day and age, at least no man that I know. I go to church with lots of women that wear pants, or have worn pants. Heck I wear cotton tights with above knee-length dresses *gasp* and nobody says a word, are those tights not really pants? Any other day of the week they are... I know a few women who have worn dress pants because they have rowdy kids that they have literally had to crawl under and over pews to catch, and obviously a skirt isn't attire for dealing with kids that crazy. I know women that wear pants or even long skirts because they don't like showing their legs, or they really just hate skirts, had some traumatic experiences as children and will never wear a skirt again, etc... Who knows, but who really cares? Maybe in the bubble it's just another thing for people to nit-pick and criticize each other for, but where I come from if some wonderful lady wants to wear dress pants to church, I'm not judging her.
I don't think God expects any of us to come to church with some sort of agenda. I think He expects us to come to worship Him and His Son. Sacrament meeting, we've been reminded recently, is similar to a funeral service, in the fact that we're remembering our Savior and all that He did for us and continues to do for us. If for some reason it becomes a place for protest, don't you think that's a little disrespectful? If a bunch of women wear pants to church on Sunday, good for them. If the issue is reflective of a deeper concern on the part of a collective group of women, they should probably get together and find a way to reach out to church leadership, write some letters, talk to Bishops and Stake Presidents and use the channels that are there for communication, there are plenty. But please, don't pollute one of our most sacred rituals with your "pants protest". The fact that this is even happening is so silly since, once again, there's nothing anywhere that says you can't wear pants to church.
Rant completed.
27.11.12
Funny Conversations
Me: Kalea I like you, I think I'll keep you.
Kalea: Keep me? Okay but not in the dungeon, then my hair would be stinky.
Kalea: Mom what's that ring? (while tugging my engagement ring as if it might not be stuck on my finger)
Me: That's my special ring from Daddy when he asked me to marry him.
Kalea: And he cried? Boo hoo hoo
Me: Um no, not really.
Kalea: Oh, but you cried? Boo hoo hoo
Me: Well yes but not boo hoo crying it was more like happy crying.
Kalea: Oh happy tears... Boo haa haa?
Me: Totally like that
Kalea bawling her eyes out on the way home from Sunday dinner at our friends house: I want to say thank you!!! Sob sob I not want to go, i want to say thaaaaank you!
Me: You should've thought of that before you walked out the door and across the street to go trick or treating.
She will knock on doors and yell trick or treat until next october especially if the patio light is on.
At the beginning of the Disney movie Brave, Merida talks about changing her fate...
Kalea: Mommy I want to change my feets too, like Merida!
On the way to a Christmas party...
Me: Kalea can you see the temple on the hill over there?
Kalea: Yup!
Me: Who lives in the temple?
Kalea: Santa lives there with his reindeers and gives me presents!
Me: Silly girl, Santa lives at the North Pole with all his elves, remember? Who lives in the temple?
Kalea: Oh ya! Um... My prince is at the temple, he's waiting to marry me and then the scary dragons come...
Me: Kalea do you think you're getting a baby brother or a baby sister?
Kalea: Um, it's a baby sister.
Me: Oh, well Brynlee thinks it's a baby brother, why are you so sure it's a sister?
Kalea: Because I'm old.
I was browsing some kids clothes online the other day and noticed Kalea showing some interest, so I asked her if she liked a particular dress and she says, "Ummm, nope that's not for Kalea... Oh what about that one? That one is Kalea's". As if she knows what she likes, she's only 4?!?!?!
I got distracted before reading a book and Kalea thought she was being funny, it took me a long time to figure out she was saying
"Read the book dammit!" oh dear...
Kalea: Keep me? Okay but not in the dungeon, then my hair would be stinky.
Kalea: Mom what's that ring? (while tugging my engagement ring as if it might not be stuck on my finger)
Me: That's my special ring from Daddy when he asked me to marry him.
Kalea: And he cried? Boo hoo hoo
Me: Um no, not really.
Kalea: Oh, but you cried? Boo hoo hoo
Me: Well yes but not boo hoo crying it was more like happy crying.
Kalea: Oh happy tears... Boo haa haa?
Me: Totally like that
Kalea bawling her eyes out on the way home from Sunday dinner at our friends house: I want to say thank you!!! Sob sob I not want to go, i want to say thaaaaank you!
Me: You should've thought of that before you walked out the door and across the street to go trick or treating.
She will knock on doors and yell trick or treat until next october especially if the patio light is on.
At the beginning of the Disney movie Brave, Merida talks about changing her fate...
Kalea: Mommy I want to change my feets too, like Merida!
On the way to a Christmas party...
Me: Kalea can you see the temple on the hill over there?
Kalea: Yup!
Me: Who lives in the temple?
Kalea: Santa lives there with his reindeers and gives me presents!
Me: Silly girl, Santa lives at the North Pole with all his elves, remember? Who lives in the temple?
Kalea: Oh ya! Um... My prince is at the temple, he's waiting to marry me and then the scary dragons come...
Me: Kalea do you think you're getting a baby brother or a baby sister?
Kalea: Um, it's a baby sister.
Me: Oh, well Brynlee thinks it's a baby brother, why are you so sure it's a sister?
Kalea: Because I'm old.
I was browsing some kids clothes online the other day and noticed Kalea showing some interest, so I asked her if she liked a particular dress and she says, "Ummm, nope that's not for Kalea... Oh what about that one? That one is Kalea's". As if she knows what she likes, she's only 4?!?!?!
I got distracted before reading a book and Kalea thought she was being funny, it took me a long time to figure out she was saying
"Read the book dammit!" oh dear...
8.11.12
The One That Played Hard to Get...
I am so behind on this blog, mostly because I was feeling like I couldn't really post without alluding to this big excitement, and at the same time I was really worried that maybe it was all just a figment of our imaginations and somehow it just wasn't really true. It's been kind of a long couple of years in the baby department and I didn't want to be super upset if it wasn't for real.
I really couldn't tell you any magic secret except to say that when being on the pill stopped regulating my cycle, I felt like I needed to stop taking it. And then nothing happened, my cycle was still only 2 days long and we were thinking maybe that was it for us and any more kids. I was still thinking it would be good to get that referral to the fertility clinic to start that tediously long process of figuring out what the heck was going on, but decided to just wait a little longer, since nothing was happening.
For whatever reason I started asking other people how they managed with just the one or two they were able to have and putting out feelers to help me adjust, because there aren't guarantees that even the fertility clinic can solve the problem for you. Steve and I were both settling into the idea of our two girls and us- Steve being a lot more comfortable with the idea than I was, he encouraged me to go back to work, since we had some help with childcare and Kalea would be in school 3 afternoons a week.We joked that my plan to go back to work might "backfire", because last time I had done that I found out I was pregnant with Brynlee. So I decided to apply for my sisters reception job since she was leaving to go back to the States for school. I ended up getting the job, which I kind of wasn't excited about, but I was sort of looking forward to a break from the kids.
The week leading up to starting that job was awful, as we got closer to the day, I sobbed harder every night that I put the kids to bed, and I hadn't really cried like that um, ever, not even post partum. I worked one day and felt like that was really not a good fit for me or for the kids, even though we were in a really tight financial place. Anywho, the long and short of it is because I was going to work, we qualified for a really decent mortgage, then after one day I quit that job, Steve ended up quitting his job the next day and the mortgage is now kind of up in the air, so that weekend I went to the Dollarama and bought a $1.50 pregnancy test just to make sure I wasn't pregnant and it turns out that I was.
If I wasn't a person of faith I would think that was a cruel cruel joke, but it's been the hugest blessing. Steve's working regularly as his own boss, he's able to make a lot more money this way, and as awesome as it would be to be getting into a house right now, we're not too cramped quite yet. I wasn't wanting a 3.5yr gap between kids but now, knowing Brynlee's personality better, I can see that sometimes God's timing is a lot better than we think it is, and He knows what's best for us. I cannot imagine having a baby in the house right now, I would be a complete nutcase and Brynlee would be having major issues adjusting, she is a crazy person these days. By the time this baby comes, Kalea will be almost at the end of her school year and will have hopefully improved a lot with her speech and interpersonal skills, etc... and hopefully will have had her eye straightened. We'll have the whole summer to get to know this new little person and then in the fall Kalea will be in Kindergarten and Brynlee will be in Preschool 3x a week. We're so glad we live so close to school so we'll be able to walk without much of a hassle while it's still nice, and that Steve's able to have the flexibility to kind of set his own schedule enough to be able to at least help with shuttling little people around in the morning, etc...
Besides all of those great blessings, we are so SO thankful that the Lord has chosen to bless us with this answer to our pleadings with Him. Arriving at this pregnancy has taken a lot more out of me as a Mom than I really thought it could. There were some really negative thought processes happening for a while even knowing how much Heavenly Father loves us and has blessed us already. I still have a lot to learn and I'm grateful to have been able to feel His love through the process of working through those feelings/thoughts. What was really special to me was to finally feel like it was okay, accepting the situation and being happy with it and then being surprised with this blessing. We know and recognize the tender mercy that this is for our family, and we know that there are still unexpected things that could occur, you just never know what's coming, but we are grateful.
We are learning in our marriage and in our family, over and over again
that our perspective has to be broader, that His will for us is greater
than what we could conjure up for ourselves and that His timing works
for our family SO WELL. We have no other choice but to trust Him and as we do, we see things
clearer, we recognize Him more frequently and we have opportunities to
grow in ways we didn't think we could, because we're allowing Him to work something in us.
We are especially thankful for the eternal family that we have and are hoping and praying for those close to us, who are struggling to have the opportunity to help influence and raise just one of these precious little people, through any avenue they can find. I hadn't ever had feelings of guilt about having kids or wanting more of them until I found myself pleading for just one more, knowing someone immediately close to us is pleading for it to happen just once. Now we add our pleadings to theirs and hope and pray that whatever their answer is, that it comes in the timing that's right for them, in the way that's best for their family.
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