The Graduate

Michelle and her date, Tanner
This post is a "shout-out" to my younger sister, Michelle, who has recently achieved the monumental milestone of "high school graduation". This girl is a smartie pants, and far surpassed any of my marks, not to mention physical ability- although I was good at basketball. I vote her "Best All-Around Grad of 2010". She played field hockey, sang in choir and jazz choir, performed in some plays (she was recruited by a teacher when she filled in for a friend who wasn't able to read her lines that day in rehersal, so she stayed after school to do it for the girl even though she herself was not a theatre student?!), played percussion in the school band, etc... She may have played rugby one year, but I can't remember. Anyways, she's a pretty cool girl, and to top it all off, despite my complete jealousy over her killer-bod, she is mostly unaware of how gorgeous she is and is none too interested in any one particular boy.
It's safe to say we are POLAR OPPOSITES in that area :D Good times.
I'm sad I missed the graduation, but it's probably better that I wasn't there, from the sounds of things. Here is my dad's assessment of the actual ceremony which I find quite hilarious. To fully appreciate the part he wrote in bold, graduation caps were not issued because they were seen as a "risk", which I find hilarious since Centennial kids are pretty tame compared to most high schools, and my dad works in the business of insurance. Enjoy!

I couldn’t believe when the Principal said that there should not be any fist pumping or celebratory whoops, clapping, or cheers until the last name in each group was read… you gotta be kidding! I made it a point of defying this for any of the grads that I know. When he reiterated it in the middle somewhere, I literally laughed out loud. Everyone got braver as the ceremony went – cheered or howled for their loved one/friend getting their certificate – Stephen and I would say things like, ‘That is unacceptable behavior. Take that person out immediately and execute them!’ With German or Russian accents for emphasis… It was still so sedate and non-celebratory. It felt like how they’d do it in China or Russia under communist suppression. ‘It isn’t right to express your personal feelings outwardly. As a group, we may celebrate together but without too much emotion individually,’ I can hear Mao saying.

Q. How many graduates have had injury as a result of caps being tossed in the air during a ceremony?

A. My guess is maybe one every 5 years of cap tossing, and the injury was probably because they drunk or stoned before arriving for the ceremony; ie. they’re idiots. If they had an eye poked, it wouldn’t make them blind, just smart a bit.

Q. How many people attending the ceremony yesterday, walking in high heels or other dress shoes that they’re not used to, and on uneven surfaces, steep stairs, etc were injured? Consider that the audience are middle aged people with coats on, carrying cameras, are unfamiliar with the building; are not used to walking in dress shoes in a gymnasium with steep stairs and awkward surfaces and many raised/uneven seams; and some are senior citizens with even reduced capacities of vision, and even more difficulty traversing the hazards due to existing infirmities (like grandma)…..

A. My educated guess as a professional risk manager is – probably 10 to 20 people in the audience of 2000 incurred some injury during or before/after the ceremony.

Q. How many attendees at the ceremony were injured due to any other reason? Ie. Cheap plastic seats installed at Jack Simpson gymnasium? Or their own clumsiness?

A. 2 that I know of from just 2 rows of seating in our section; Stephen’s chair broke, ha ha….glad it wasn’t me. He wasn’t seriously injured (pride only)… and a lady in the row in front of us went to sit down and missed her seat completely, wiping herself out in a hilarious fashion (I suppressed any laughter. You would have exploded in an uncontrolled fit of laughter. I know you have no self-control.)

So, there you have it. My risk analysis concludes that in actual fact, the tossing of caps at a ceremony is less risky, both in frequency and severity, than other activities at the ceremony venue – like walking to/from the venue, or sitting minding one’s own business……


The Staheli's said...

LOL!!!! That's too funny. :) And well said. It's graduation...HELLO! Excitement is just a given! Congratulations to Michelle!! Good luck to her in all of her endeavors. Much love!

The Hatch Family said...

I am feeling super old............can Michelle be old enough to have graduated?!?! I still remember tutoring her in junior high (time sure flies). She seriously looks stunning in her gown!

Gwen said...

How sweet :)