Home Is Where the Heart Is...

And my heart seems to be someplace else these days. Having never spent more than 2nts apart since we got married, these past few weeks of Steve working away have been kind've strange for all of us. I am SO looking forward to this Easter weekend and feeling like a FAMILY again. This single parent stuff is not easy, I definitely have a new found respect for women and men who tackle parenting on their own. I can't imagine what it would be like, but this small dose is a huge awakening. It's hard enough as it is being home on my own with the girls, but if I had to go to work during the day and then come home and do dinner, bedtime routines etc... every night, I might not make it! I have to think about things I've never had to, like, which stores I'm going to now because some don't have shopping carts that Brynlee's carseat will fit in, or restraints to buckle Kalea into. I have to ask people to babysit while I run my "after bedtime errands". Trying to get to church yesterday was a complete and utter gong show. It took half an hour to get Kalea into her dress- after which she pranced around like a fairy until I wrangled her into her sandals. Brynlee was an angel the whole time Kalea was fussing/moaning/winge-ing, etc... We had a tantrum on the way out to the car, followed by a HUGE meltdown while trying to buckle Kalea into her carseat- I honestly don't know how she can bend and writhe the way she does without breaking anything. She screamed and screamed- even through dropping something off at a friends on the way to church. I really don't know why I tried so hard to even make it, maybe because I didn't want to feel like it couldn't be done, since many have done it on their own before? I can see my pride in this. But I needed the break that Nursery would give me, if I could just get her there! Yes, yesterday I became the parent that I swore I never would, and honestly, it didn't feel so bad! I had the realization last night that part of the reason for the Nursery class at church is to give us frazzled moms and dads a break. I learned yesterday, that God really is merciful in providing that resource, and it was just as much mercy for Kalea as it was for me! Steve is my Sunday Super Dad, and I was honestly afraid to go without him-for good reason! I used to think I showed my appreciation for Steve fairly well, now I KNOW I need to improve! It makes such a difference to have someone to share the load with, and give you a break every once in a while. It's comforting to know that, even if he's gone all day and doesn't really get to see the girls, he'll be home to cuddle up next to for the night. It makes a difference to have someone else to chase your kid around the church so you don't have to do it in a skirt and heels! I have been known to be a pretty independent girl, but I am SO dependent on my man! Holy cow I never realized what it meant to be "equally yoked" or to be each others "help meet" but I get it now. Steve really is a great compliment to my weaknesses, and I will be so glad when this "long distance marriage" is over so we can get back to our more normal routine! Until then, I will soldier on.

I Digress...

So I guess since it's a bed for a cat, it appears much larger on the internet than it is in real life... LOL They do however have dog beds that would work, but then again, I can always make my own right? Hilarious. My mom came with us to Ikea today- she was so confused as to why I had to peruse the animal section so intently- I am almost positive she thinks I'm crazy and wonders how I could've come from her loins. Sorry Mom!
On another note, I scored a really nice floor model table lamp for Brynlee's room from the "As Is" section- Steve and I have a love affair with this section. The lamp was $30 originally and I bought it for $15- with a lightbulb! I feel like such a dork that I'm even blogging about a lamp- I am SO not this kind of person, but alas here we are... I don't like the shade, so stay tuned for my adventures trying to find a different one! I love the process of putting rooms together- in our house it's usually slow because we don't normally have any spare change for stuff like lamps etc... But can you blame me for falling for this lamp?

Free Your Mind

Let's just pretend for a moment that everyone has a brain as imaginative as mine- are you with me? Okay. I have this vision of creating a reading corner in Kalea's bedroom- since it's huge and the only piece of furniture in it is her bed- I know, great decorating skills, I just don't feel like we're going to be in this place for very long, so I refuse to put in the effort :) Anyways, I've been thinking about what she would sit on and I hate the idea of wood chairs in her room, so I was thinking bean bag, but then I was thinking more cushion and then I saw this at Ikea...

It's technically a cat bed... But if it's never had a cat in it, is it still a cat bed? What if someone sees it and says "Oh my cat has the same one, where's your cat?" Do I lie and say "Oh she ran away and left her bed in Kalea's room?" I just don't wanna be that mom- you know the crazy one that comes up with a million uses for something like, say, a cat bed :S And discuss...

E.T.

It seems as though Kalea has a certain amount of affection for a certain alien these days.
I don't mind, I do too. Although I don't wake up and point to the TV and say "Eeeeeeee" until my mom turns on this movie :P
Kind of weird to think that Kalea is hooked on this movie from "my" generation.
To be totally honest, I used to like ET to a point and then once they tarped the house, etc... I was done. This may stem from my "fun" at the hospital when I was three and had to have a plastic "tent" around my bed while they pumped in oxygen/medication for my croup...
Anyways, it's fun to be familiar with this old classic again- thanks to Steve for digging through the giant bin of movies at Wal-Mart, his monkey arms are SO USEFUL :D

**Warning: Birthday Gush About Steve**

I neglected to post yesterday on Steve's actual birthday because I was trying to be a good wife and clean the house and make a treat before he got home from Slave Lake.
I get points for trying to get it all done in one day, but I can admit that I didn't quite get to everything. Oh well!
Steve turned 29! I dunno why I am so excited about this, maybe because next year we get to do something really fun for his big 3-0? I think it must've been excitement to just get out on an actual date, just the two of us.
I'm so grateful for this guy I married. He is so hard working and dedicated to providing the best life he can for our family. I can't imagine doing any of this marriage/raising kids stuff without him. He is such a good dad and has a hard time being away from "his girls".
Steve is a compliment to his parents ability to let their kids be their own people and make their own choices. I'm so grateful they have been their to help guide him- and now us- along the way.
I feel like I say this about Steve a lot, when it's true it never gets old. I really am the luckiest girl in the world to have a guy that will work all day, come home and help me clean up the house, be so involved with his kids and still find time to make sure I know he loves me.
I hope this year is full of adventures and happy memories for my awesome husband, he really deserves it!
Happy 29th Skirt Boy, I Love Ya!

Eureka Pictures!

These girls are so awesome. They make being a mom a lot easier than it's supposed to be. Some things I'm loving right now:

• Brynlee is starting to eat rice cereal! Not everyday, but she's slowly getting the hang of it, although she's the kind of baby that would rather eat her fingers?!
  

• Kalea is becoming quite the little "drama queen". She's definitely headstrong and knows exactly what she wants and when she wants it-usually RIGHT NOW!
  

• We are starting to find Kalea playing in her own make believe world. She loves to put on my running shoes, grab her purse and proceed to wave emphatically and say "Dye!" which is Kalea speak for "Bye!"
  

• Sometimes Kalea insists that I sit Brynlee on the couch with her. They must each have a blanket and I must not sit with them. For two seconds Kalea will "interact" with her sister, then she proceeds to ignore her, until Bryn starts to cry and then Kalea makes sure I take her and make her quiet =)
  

• The first picture is actually Kalea dancing. She absolutely LOVES music and must shake her hips to the beat.
• You'll also notice how she loves to have baby wipes in her mouth- she is so weird sometimes!
• I love putting her hair in pigtails now, although I have to do it quick. If anything takes longer than 60 seconds this girl tries to squirm herself away- she's TOO independent!
  
• Kalea is discovering new things and she is loving her POCKETS! I think it's so dang cute when she puts her hands in them, she looks so grown up!
  

• They go to sleep at the same time 7:30pm AND they both stay asleep until 7:30am! My mom was so impressed when she put them down the other night that neither of them cried or anything. I like to think this is because of some super parenting, but I know it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the fact that they just really like to sleep!
• Kalea is starting to POTTY TRAIN! This was more Steve's effort than mine, but even with him not home, Kalea either takes her pants off or comes and grabs my hand when she needs to go. This is a really nice treat for me because I am so sick of the diaper changing drama-fest that seems never ending some days!

Ps She just took me to the bathroom so she could do her business- how great is that?!

Uploading Nightmares

I'm trying to post current pictures. But first I have to get them from the SD card to the computer... I usually do this via my super duper printer. Today my printer hates me and is throwing the fiery darts of Satan at me. It reads the pictures, goes through the process of popping them up in a new window when it's done and then spits an "An error occurred during transfer" message in my face and the pictures disappear... They just sit idly on the SD card laughing at me. Well, at least I can look at them on my camera and enjoy them...
Coming soon:
Kalea with cute pigtails
Brynlee just being Brynlee
And more!
Stay Tuned!

PS

It seems the mailMAN is trying to neglect his job even further. My mom taught me this trick that when it's the wrong address, or somebody no longer lives at your address you write RTS (return to sender) or NO LONGER AT ADDRESS or circle the address and add a ? because it's totally not your address, and then you leave it standing up in your mailbox/hanging out of the mailbox, and the nice mailMAN takes it and figures out the rest...
Well NOT MY MAILMAN! Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
Oh and PPS Diaper Argument Update: 4-5 times a day on average.

Bothersome

There are little tiny inconveniences in life that are just too bothersome to let go of- I'm sure you can all agree with me. I was discussing this one with a friend during a play date yesterday. Why is it that my mailMAN (not mailwoman or mailperson) cannot for the life of him READ the address on the things he puts in my mailbox? Why is it that, on an almost daily basis, there is something in my mailbox that belongs in someone's mailbox down the street? Can I emphasize ALMOST DAILY??? It is slightly disconcerting that one who is paid to know how to read an address, just can't bring himself to do so. Tsk tsk Mr. Mailman tsk tsk!

Discussion

Thanks for all the comments on my last post. I hope everyone understands that I posted because I needed feedback, so I would never in a million years be offended by any comments left. Especially because I'm sitting on one side of the fence while some people are on the other and yet others have been on both. It's great to have perspective and input from all aspects and I really appreciate the "discussion" because it's a hard one to have.
I do want to clear up one thing, because I do think it could be taken in the wrong way. When I was talking about Steve and I trying to have Kalea, it did come across like I was comparing my experience to infertility. I'm really sorry, that was not at all my intention. I was trying to explain our own feelings as far as our journey and maybe I should've just told the story I wanted to about it and it wouldn't have sounded like I was comparing that to infertility. So I am sorry if that came across wrong. I can't imagine what that would be like and wouldn't ever want to sound insensitive to this subject, since I can't begin to put myself in those shoes, again I'm really sorry.
Bottom line, no matter what, we can all be influential in the life of a child. I've learned that from many women who have touched my life, from all parts of the spectrum. They will never know how deeply their love and testimonies have affected me, but I am so grateful. That should be another post :)

Please Don't Take This Post The Wrong Way

I have been thinking really hard about a sensitive way to respond to something I read on an acquaintence's blog a while ago. It has bothered me for a few reasons, but maybe I just need to say what I feel and then it'll make me feel better? I dunno... I'm trying to be really sensitive to both sides of the issue because infertility has struck so close to home on so many levels.
I can honestly say that I feel for everyone in the quest to have a child, I really really do and I think that's the common denominator in what I'm going to share. So let me share... This person wrote a post about how they were annoyed with how insensitive people were when talking of their pregnancies. How they complained about aches and pains and all the discomforts associated with pregnancy. She waxed long about how unfair it was that these ladies seemed not to understand that they were so blessed to have the aches/pains, etc... She talked of how she would never complain about anything if she were ever given this opportunity. Talked of how she would love it so much more etc... She also went on to talk about how she'd feel about mothering and how she wouldn't complain about her kids, etc... or about having to take care of them or about how she would appreciate being a mom that much more because of all she would have to go through in order to have them. I hurt on this topic for a few reasons. I think most ladies who are able to birth their own babies would agree that they feel blessed. I am pretty certain that most ladies who have children love them and love the mundane moments just as much as the next person. I am positive that mothering is NOT EASY no matter how you come about doing it. I was rather offended that this person said she would appreciate being a mother more because of what should would have to go through. As a mother that hurt. Who is anyone to say that they would appreciate it more or less than another mother? There were days when Steve and I were trying that I felt really discouraged, I felt sad and alone and like I never wanted to open another pregnancy test again because I didn't want to see the stupid "negative" sign. There were days that I ached about it and hated hearing about other people's aches/pains and not have my own to deal with. There were days when people would ask when we were going to have a baby or aren't you pregnant yet, and I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry because I wasn't. It is not always as easy as it seems for anyone. There are days when the human body just hurts. The load of pregnancy is huge, and maybe this person wouldn't complain, but I'm pretty sure that the minute her toes felt like sausages ready to explode, she would shed some tears and say how it hurts. I feel badly that this person has judged those of us that have been blessed to carry our own children. I feel badly that she has also judged herself. Becoming a mother is not easy. We all have certain expectations of ourselves. When it comes to mothering, there are days that I have felt like I seriously went wrong somewhere. There are days when I love every minute. It's a rollercoaster ride that is easier to take when you have a clear perspective of it. There is a process that we all go through to get to this parenting part of the journey through life. Because we are human we will all have human emotions about it. I would hope and pray that when this person becomes a mother, she will not feel too guilty about having a down day, about having a really rough morning or a crazy evening. The expectations we put on ourselves are sometimes too high, too far-reaching. I've had this talk with Steve so many times, through tears, about so many areas of life. Whether or not you can birth your own babies, or they come into your life in another way, won't make you any better at mothering than the next person. Because once you are given that life to care for, you have become equal to any other woman put to the task, you may go about it in a different way, but you will be a mother, just as anyone else is a mother. From talking to other mothers, there is a commonality in the gifts we are given when we come into this new role, it doesn't seem like one is better than the next, it seems that Heavenly Father has helped us in the same areas with very similar feelings, intuition, etc... We are all different, but we are all the same. I have two children whom I love and adore everyday. Please don't tell me that if they were yours you could love them any more. I have taken my own journey, you will take yours and in the end we are both women taking care of the wonderful spirits that have been sent into our homes.

Has It Only Been 3?

3yrs ago today, Steve and I were married "for time and all eternity".
I can't believe it's only been 3 years, it seems like much longer- in a good way. I don't mean to gush, but boy am I glad I found this guy. He does everything a good husband should, and then he does everything a good wife should! It's a work in progress :)
On a more serious note, at the risk of people thinking that this is easy, it's not. Dating wasn't easy. We had highs and lows, and they didn't stop at the temple. We worked really really hard to get there, I don't think anyone will ever really know what that journey was like for us. But it was all so worth it. Everyday since then has been worth it too. We are still working really hard at this, I hope we always do. I have been learning/growing with, and loving this man for much longer than the 3yrs and 2 kids we have to show for it.
I am thankful everyday that I have Steve to share this all with.
I'm glad we met when we did, where we did. I'm glad that we had years of being acquainted and then friends. I'm grateful for all those little happenings that allowed us the opportunity to make choices that led to each other. Steve's out of town at the moment, and I beat him to the morning text, but this is part of what he said (don't tell him I shared this, he would be so mad)
"Best part about doing this job is I get to wear my ring all the time".
Awwwwwwwwww MELT! One more reason to be happy he's not machining anymore!
The best part of all is knowing that I am his and he is mine, forever.
Love you babe, happy 3rd!