March & April

I feel like I'm not writing much lately, and it's true. I'm not writing much anywhere here or in the journals I keep for everyone, including Steve HAHA. I don't even know why. Life gets chugging along and then I realize that time isn't exactly standing still and here we are at the END OF APRIL??? How did that even happen? I don't know what it is about this year but I'm dragging. Maybe it's the lack of sunshine and the overabundance of cloudy skies? Maybe I'm just getting really lazy.... Anyways, here is a collage of a million pictures of what we've been up to.

Kalea and Brynlee are forming quite the sister bond, it's awesome. I love to see them play together, but mostly I like to see how they work out their arguments, it's pretty funny. I'd say Brynlee gets her way more often than not, but not until Kalea has tormented her. For example, we don't use sippy cups around here anymore but we have a few Powerade bottles that have the no-spill lid that the girls have adopted. Kalea couldn't find hers, so she stole Brynlee's basically right out of her mouth. Brynlee freaked out about it pretty quickly so I hid behind the couch and watched Kalea do the good ol' "Here Brynlee! Take it! It's okay, don't tell Mom!" Where in the world did she learn that? I'm now convinced it's just in every kids' genetic make-up. It was pretty funny, and I'm glad that half the time I don't really have to intervene- Brynlee is pretty dramatic, so it's pretty noisy all day, but it's not bad unless she comes to find me. They also refuse to go to bed without the other sister. Kalea is so smart that on the days when she's had a late nap and knows she doesn't have to go to bed yet, she'll still go to her room and pretend to go to sleep until Brynlee is snoring and then she'll come hang out with me and Steve for a bit before her real bedtime- how's that for sister love?

We enjoyed a visit from one of my best friends and her daughter last month. It was surreal to sit and watch our kids play together and get along so well, kudos to her I think her little one is one of the smartest kids I've ever met, and super outgoing. Kalea and Brynlee have enjoyed many a noisy dance party over the last few months too, usually while wearing my church shoes. Does it scare anyone else when their little girls are strutting around/spinning on 4inch heels? It's a test of my patience sometimes- it's the control freak in me, I just can't stop thinking that someone's going to break an ankle! It's super cute though, they love wearing dresses that spin and generally, even if I've dressed them for the day, they will find a way to revert back to a nightgown or play-dress without me noticing. Sometimes it's awkward when we have company and random articles of clothing find themselves under the kitchen table or flying down the stairs, such is life at our house. Easter was really fun for us with the girls this year. I didn't do so much leading up to it this year because I feel like my general overall energy is about a 2-3 on a scale of 1-10 lately, but I think I planned Easter Sunday perfectly. We woke up later than usual-thanks girls- had some breakfast, dyed some eggs had a bath, got ready and went to church, came home and distracted the girls with a movie while the Easter Bunny hid their loot. They did their hunt and then played the rest of the afternoon before we went to my parents' for dinner. Low-key and basically void of any stress. Since then, Brynlee constantly asks me for chocolate, no matter the time of day- even the other night transferring her from the car to her bed "Mommy, where's my chokmick?" PS she says chocolate so cute it's hard to refuse her. We've also been lucky enough to have a few days of SUPER NICE WEATHER! Wahoo! We got the sprinkler out on Monday because it was HOT, yes it was. It was so nice to feel the sun on our faces and see the girls fall back into their usual routines where water is involved, ie.shamelessly tossing their clothing aside and playing naked in FREEZING water. I have no idea where they get that from, I wouldn't even put my hand in the tap water it was so cold. Hopefully they won't be throwing clothing or diapers over the fence this year, that's always such a pain... Oh and Brynlee is finally getting her 2yr molars...Ahem... I give her medicine, cold stuff to chew on, she spends all day whining and crying and trying to nap and sleep all the while still whimpering... My head feels like it's going to explode from the sound of her, not that I don't love her, but her whiny sad voice is pretty grating on the nerves for everyone involved. Fun times.
I included one of my fun things in our picture collage. I still don't have a calling at church so they asked me to be on the decorating committee for our Relief Society party. It was a lot of fun, although I forgot to take pictures of everything when we were finished setting up, so the only one I managed was a quick snapshot before the food tables were attacked by hungry ladies. We made bunting and had giant balloons and made big coffee filter and tissue paper flowers for our centerpieces. It was a fun night, birthday party themed so we played some fun games and it was really nice to have a change of pace and a bit more contact with other adults! Sidenote, I am feeling super low energy lately, I'm thinking my thyroid must be out of whack or something. To avoid the question, nope I'm not pregnant, currently cycling and still on stupid birth control to regulate my cycle... Which worked for a bit and now I'm back to the usual, so probably time to make another doctor's appointment. I've noticed that I'm not getting the "high" from my workouts that I'm used to, but I'm still working out hard, and eating well and drinking lots of water, so I'm stumped. I found for a while that I wasn't getting the workout high until a long while after my workout was over so I had to switch from doing them at night to mid-morning, but now I'm getting nothing. Maybe I just need to change up the work out, if I can find any energy I will do that... Still losing weight though, so that's a good sign that it's working! I'm down 10lbs so far with not quite the effort that I was hoping to put forth, so that's not bad and seriously, I'm only doing 30-45mins a day, which seemed like a lot at first, but now it feels like no time at all, it goes by so fast. Now that the weather is turning I'm able to get out with the kids more, so that will hopefully help me get some more weight off through the summer. It makes such a HUGE difference being able to get outside, and with both kids out of strollers, now I'll be able to jog a bit while herding them down the trails, so that'll be fun.
I guess I should update on Steve too... He turned 31 in March and subbed by fluke for a volleyball team with an amazing setter who he now wants to be bff's with, so he is playing for them more often now. I'm just glad he's found someone who knows what they're doing so volleyball can be fun for him again instead of just an exercise in patience. Must be hard to be so full of athletic ability...Selfishly I'm just glad I don't have to hear about "so-and-so who likes to bash everyone even though she sucks the most out of everyone there" anymore :)
That's life at the moment, we are just gearing up for soccer season now and looking forward to a trip down to Cardston next weekend and a visit from my surrogate Aunty from England two weeks later.

Funny story, Brynlee is really interested in the clock lately so we were going around the clockface pointing to the numbers so I could get some pictures and the following happens:
Me: Brynlee, where's the number one?
Bryn: Right there (points to it, it's the only one she knows really)
Me: Good job! Hmmm let's see... oh, where is the number eight?
Brynlee: Oh no it's GONE!!!

Mischievious Little People

There was this time that I thought, "my girls seem to be growing out of their old tricks", but I was wrong. They are still the same crazy kids that were born to me, only their crazy antics seem to be saved for times when I am most stressed/busy/rushed/tired instead of just being an everyday activity. Let me illustrate for you...

Brynlee has found herself taking after her older sister, although instead of destroying my expensive scrapbooking supplies (ie. ink pads, etc...) she likes to paint herself with her sparkly paints. In picture 2 you will notice red stuff on the floor, that red stuff would be a WHOLE container of simulated bacon bits, seriously. I was washing dishes upstairs and all of a sudden I could smell bacon? At first I was thinking I was losing my mind and then I remembered the huge tupperware container full of food storage that we had inherited from my sis-in-law. The night previous I had asked Steve to put it in the storage room... it only made it to the bottom of the stairs- awesome. I'm happy to report that our basement has finally stopped smelling of bacon, a month later. Also, Kalea's hair was getting super long, and then she decided to hack different spots, so I cut it into a long-ish bob, not pictured. Cutting it myself was fairly therapeutic though, and now it goes more wavy/wild, so it's cute- besides the rooster bit on top, but that's her fault not mine.
I also was under the false impression that my kids didn't do crazy things in public anymore, really really underestimated Brynlee on that one. A few Sundays ago Brynlee and I ventured to church solo because Steve and Kalea were pretty sick. I thought to myself how nice it would be to get to pay attention since Brynlee is my easier child, BAHAHAHA! She sure had the wool pulled over my eyes. At one point she ventured away from me and ended up doing a full lap of the gym, squealing with delight. Awesome. When she came back to me I took her into the hallway to let her get rid of some energy. I foolishly thought that the chapel doors were too heavy for her to pull open, so when she ducked into a doorway, I thought she was just playing peek-a-boo... Yeah, nope. She ended up sitting on the comfy chairs at the front, next to the pulpit, and not just sitting there. I opened the door to flag her to "come here now!" to which she responded by patting the soft chair and saying "Mommy come sit with me" while a nice man in our ward was trying to bear what I'm sure was a heartfelt testimony. At this point I wasn't about to go get her because I knew she'd probably screech and be more disruptive than she already was, so I closed the door thinking she'd come to it because that's what she does whenever I close a door at home, I mean, technically her instincts are normally to run to a closed door and try to bang it open. Yeah, that didn't work. PS the whole time I'm waving her to come towards me, etc... the chorister (aka bishop's wife) and the organist (aka relief society president's son) are watching and able to see the exchange, I am pretty sure they were highly entertained. So after a quick "please inspire me with some amazing parenting skills" prayer I open the chapel door to find Brynlee leaning over the front of the pulpit area this time. Grrrreat, so much for being less disruptive. So I go sit where Brynlee wanted me to sit in the first place, when she turns around and comes towards me I pull her in close and whisper very sternly that "You will hold my hand and we will walk down the stairs and out that door, got it?" to which she cheerfully replies in the high pitched tone that only she can use "Ok Mommy!" For reals. Sorry if the whole thing ruined sacrament meeting/testimony meeting for anyone. Kalea NEVER did anything like that, I had no clue that Brynlee would have the guts to, especially with that many eyes on her, she was way too comfortable for her own good. Did I also mention that the Stake President was sitting with the Bishop too? The same man who at one point in my life was conducting a sacrament meeting where my phone went off in the middle of the sacrament being passed, to the tune of "crazy coconuts"? He must be so impressed with my contribution to "the rising generation" LOL If anything, my kids are always good for a laugh.

Mind, Body & Spirit

I have had many a conversation with myself that involved a lot of ingratitude for the gift of a body, but things have changed dramatically in the last 10yrs, physically, emotionally & spiritually.
A Spiritual Foundation: Or, what has always been in the back of my mind
From a young age I was taught that my body is an important part of God's plan for me. With this body I will be able to enjoy physical activity, food and even experience discomfort and pain. I will use my body to make sacred covenants and to serve those around me. If it's part of Heavenly Father's plan for me, I will be able to bring children into the world, and thus create new bodies for spirits eagerly awaiting their opportunity to face all that life on this earth has to offer them. My body houses my spirit and I will have a family, and no matter how the children I have come into that family, my body will house that spirit that has attributes central to the nurturing and care of those children. I was also taught the importance of respecting the gift of this body by not doing anything to defile it, or the spirit within it. I have been taught to care for my body by abstaining from substances that could potentially cause harm or result in addictive habits. In terms of food, I was taught the principle of "everything in moderation", and the importance of regular exercise.
These are the things that I'm also trying to teach my children, because I recognize now, just how important having those things ingrained in me has been to my own progression through some of life's learning moments.

PAST: I squandered a lot of time telling myself that I wasn't perfect enough in a lot of areas, mostly physical. How annoying! I went through a period of really harsh self-judgement although now, I can't explain why, other than the fact that I must've gotten really caught up in some worldly messages about what the body should look like. Around 21 I started to re-align my thinking and stopped being so critical of my body, and tried to enjoy it, not worrying about the scale or the calories and just enjoy having such a healthy body. During a stressful time, I lost a lot of weight and became concerned with how most people responded by telling me how great I looked... Scary since I was literally so emotionally worked up that I couldn't eat more than a handful of food at a time, and then would end up dry heaving if I cried too much when I went to bed- I had enough will power not to let myself throw up anything that I ate, but my body was literally trying to reject any amount of help I could give it. I was super concerned with what was going on with my body during that time, but instead of people asking me if I was okay- which I wasn't- they asked what my secret weight loss strategy was. That experience changed a lot of what I thought I knew about the body and I began to realize the connection between a hurting spirit and the body housing it. I became less concerned with how I compared to any other body and more concerned with getting my body healthy and strong again, and shocker, I started to obsess a bit about the number on the scale going UP so that I didn't look so emaciated. Once things were back on track emotionally, my body started responding, I started to enjoy eating again and my weight returned to normal. A small number on the scale doesn't mean "healthy" anymore than a big number necessarily means "fatty", that was a huge lesson. With this experience I also learned there is real power in connecting with yourself by using positive self-talk. I literally had to talk myself back to normal, and since then there hasn't been much room for the negative self-talk that used to invade my thoughts. I also wasn't as healthy as I could have been during my pregnancies, although by the time I was done puking with Kalea, I didn't have much energy to do much else other than lie on the couch. With Brynlee I kick myself for having a much easier pregnancy and not being as active as I could have been. I gained a lot with each of those pregnancies especially having them so close together, and that has made it a lot harder to "bounce back" like everyone said I would- ha thanks for the false hope people! Kidding, I was super lazy or I probably would have bounced back sooner.
PRESENT: I've spent probably the last few years on my own kind of "health crusade", discovering the things that work short term and aren't necessarily very healthy, discovering different kinds of workouts that I can do at home, trying and loving a difficult yoga practice and learning how to balance all that out with healthier eating. When I had Brynlee I gave myself a very HUGE time frame to get myself back to normal, haha I told Steve that I would be back in shape by her 3rd birthday if I didn't get pregnant before then, that means I have until November but with my 10yr high school reunion fast approaching, I'm hoping to be closer to my goal by the end of June. So far 2012 has been good for this on all fronts. I'm working out consistently now, my body is responding and I'm feeling way more energetic and sleeping better. I'm finding myself more willing to do for others because I have more energy to get things done. I'm not huffing and puffing up the stairs anymore and I feel like I have more energy to play with my super active kids. Scale wise I haven't lost that much weight yet, but physically you can see where I've lost inches and gained muscle, which is insane. Even at my "prime" I don't think I was this healthy/strong, or maybe I just blocked that out of my mind so I wouldn't feel bad about my current state. At any rate, I'm feeling much better now than I ever have, so that counts for something. I feel more balanced and more in tune with what I'm doing on a regular basis. I find myself more centered and open to promptings than I have been in the past, maybe that's because my mind isn't so foggy? I'm learning that the more I take care of my body, the more clarity I have in the things that I want to achieve as a parent, and the more ready I am to act when prompted or take time out to meditate, pray, read, journal, etc... Win win.
FUTURE: I'm hoping that I can remember the "body lessons" as I get older, and as my kids grow. I hope that if I ever do get pregnant again, I can go through it a lot healthier than I did with my first two so that I can feel better sooner than 3yrs later. Steve is finally jumping on my bandwagon, so we're hoping to do a 5k later in the summer. Much later because, as we all know, Allison is not a runner, the only reason this one is appealing is the fact that it's mostly about having fun and mostly NOT about how fast you are. So in prep for that we're going to start on of those "couch to 5k" programs. Should be a hoot, right? I think Steve and I are both realizing that at one point or another, both of us were a lot more active than we have been lately, and we've been "gifted" with very active children, and if we don't keep up with them then they might lose that desire to be active and turn lazy like us- gasps of horror! We are now much more interested in fostering that in them because we know how much it will add to their life experience, and ours- hello, I get to be a "soccer Mom" this year!
Basically, all this to say, we're on track to reaching some goals for a healthy and active lifestyle as individuals and a family. Hopefully our kids will appreciate the effort when they're old enough to understand it, for now we'll feel good that we're maybe teaching them something about how to take care of these awesome little bodies that Heavenly Father has given them.

Weighty Discussions

I've been doing a lot of pondering on the subject of weight and fitness lately. It seems a lot of my friends are too, and some are starting to write about it, so I thought I'd join the conversation. We have all had such diverse experiences, and I think we can all benefit from hearing different perspectives. This is obviously a huge issue, not just in our personal lives, but in our culture, so maybe we can have some good discussions in the blog-world and when the opportunity arises in whatever real-life circles we're involved in, we can make a difference for the next generation of girls.
A Prelude: IN 10YRS MY GIRLS WILL BE 12 AND 13 *CRAP*
I remember that age so well that I really don't like to remember it, if that makes any sense. It's what I remember from that stage that I wish I could block out, because I don't remember conversations about weight or beauty so much as I remember my Mom trying fad diets, or the "magic" diet pills of the moment, I mean it's not her fault, this was kind of the beginning of the era of the latest and greatest quick-fixes. When they worked I remember her wanting to share my clothes, and I was mortified by that. I thought it was SO wrong for a 12yr old to be the same size as a 30 something year old. Wrong as in, I thought something was wrong with ME. I must be fat if my mom who is twice my age can wear my clothes. That's the message I was getting from it. I think my parents would've handled my emotions about it a lot differently if they knew where they stemmed from. The idea of sharing clothes with my mom wasn't fun to me like they thought it would be. Since I didn't have a sister close in age, I am sure that they came at it from the stand point that "Isn't it fun to share clothes with Mom?!" and when I would say "No, it's not" I'd get a lecture of some sort about how they paid for those clothes and if my mom wanted to wear them she had more right than I did to them, blah blah blah. I realize that they weren't really hearing me at the time and I don't know that we've ever had a real adult discussion about it, but there are a lot of things that I would do differently, since I didn't really start expressing myself verbally more clearly until later, I'm sure I could've written a letter explaining my feelings a lot better and they would've 'got it' no problem. Hindsight. From those experiences I learned a lot about how I wanted to address things with my own kids someday, some of those things we are implementing in our house right now, starting with how FAT doesn't really dwell in our home.

1. FAT-TALK: There are a few phrases and words that we don't really use in our dialogue with the girls around and even when they aren't. I don't describe people as fat and I try not to talk about myself being fat, because I don't ever want to hear them say "so and so is fat", or "did you see that guy? he is so fat". Just typing it makes my stomach turn. Really. When we talk, Steve and I make a conscious effort to use words that are a bit kinder I guess, and that we feel don't give off the same negative connotations, words like "bigger". For kids I think it's a word that isn't as crushing to the self esteem if it's used towards them and understanding wise, I think all they need to understand is that some kids are bigger than other kids. I don't attach certain foods to fat because I don't want my girls to judge people and say "they must be fat because they ate this". I also don't want them to feel like they can't eat certain things for fear that they'll become fat from it. We also talk about gaining and losing weight in our house, not "I'm getting so fat" or "I am so skinny" or "I am too fat" etc...
2.  FAT IS NOT A FEELING: There is no phrase in our culture that I hate more than the phrase "I FEEL FAT". It doesn't make sense. How does fat feel? Lonely. At least that's what all the fat people on reality tv say. If I feel bloated or gross or gassy or whatever, I try to express it that way, so that my kids pick up on those words and how to use them and what they describe. I don't want to hear them say that they "feel fat" as they grow up. If I ever say it I hope someone gives me a gut check in that moment.
3. FAT ISN'T WRONG: I think our society projects that fat is wrong and skinny is right. Only one side is ever really put out there for our kids to see and it's confusing. Some people binge and purge to become skinny. Some people obsess over caloric intake and kill themselves in the gym everyday. Some people eat to cope with their feelings. Some people have parents who hand them some cash for lunch everyday, instead of providing them with a good bag lunch to take to school. Some people are on medications that make them retain water. For example, my mom babysits a little boy Kalea's age who was put on medication for seizures, so he went from being around 30lbs to 50lbs pretty quickly. He goes to preschool in our neighborhood. If I were to ever hear a kid call him fat I would want to smack them upside the head because he isn't normally, he just has a health issue that could kill him, so the lesser of the two evils is that he be a little chubbier right now than other kids his age. To me it screams ignorance to teach our kids that if they see someone who is bigger than them, they must be that way because they eat too much or play too many video games or watch too much tv and don't get any exercise etc... It's wrong for us as parents to think those things in our heads about kids or adults too, it's more wrong for us to neglect to inform our kids of all the things that can affect the body in positive and negative ways. I'd rather my kids not be judging people based on their size/appearance and I'd rather not be the one to teach them how to do that, instead I would love for them to learn to look for attributes in people that they admire, regardless of size/weight, if they can do that, the world is their oyster.
4. FAT FOODS: I don't stock my house with snack food/junk anymore. GASP. This has been a gradual process over the last year, but really the only snack food/junk that I have in my house on a regular basis are nachos and ice cream. We don't make a habit of dessert in our house, but when we do have it the kids are SO excited and when we don't, they don't notice. The other good thing about this is, if I want an after-I-put-the-kids-to-bed-snack, I either have to make it myself or go out and buy it. Tight budget and lack of motivation around 8pm means that usually I lose the battle and end up eating yogurt or fruit, or if it's been a real crazy day, I have both. Kalea this week has been caught writhing around on the couch/floor expressing how badly she needs a snack. There are usually some grapes and cheese sitting on the table waiting for her tantrum to be finished and for her to notice them. I think this is a revolt against me for not having sugar foods readily available to her. I still buy fish crackers and animal crackers, but I don't buy fruit snacks or any other sugar laden snacks anymore, and if I do, they are the ones that all the "experts" say "if you're going to buy fruit snacks, buy these ones". We have a lot more fresh fruit and vegetables in our house now and I like it. Kalea's favorite snack is now apples. If you come over, you will notice that there are various stages of decomposing apple cores strewn throughout our house- she's still trying to figure out what to do with those. Every morning the kids split a banana as soon as they get to the kitchen. I think it's important to have these types of things on hand and I do admit I haven't always been so gung-ho about it, but it really does affect how my kids behave. My kids aren't "calm" children by any means to begin with, so adding a whack load of sugar and dyes to their diet really doesn't do anything for me as the Mom who has to deal with them. I also find that when they are more loaded up on these things, they are slightly mean to each other and less likely to engage in activities that they really enjoy like coloring/painting or even playing in the backyard. Steve has a super sweet tooth but he's been really good at cutting back too and I think we are all a lot better for it. Our kids still get their fair share of sugary stuff and we're not super strict about it, but I'm noticing that Kalea is starting to make healthy choices on her own, for example, when Steve and I got back from our weekend away I had some leftover gummy snakes so one afternoon I asked the kids if they'd like some, Brynlee was all over it but Kalea just cocked her head to the side and said "Um, nope. I want an apple please" and she was dead serious, she wouldn't even take the candy from me when I held it out to her? I'm still shocked.
5. FITNESS: While we were in Banff Steve and I discussed my new-found motivation to work out, and I finally figured out why I'm so committed to it this time. I am finally realizing that I don't care so much about what size I wear or how much I weigh- although those numbers decreasing is a good indication of my progress. I really care that my girls see me making a physical effort to move my body regularly because that's a healthier message than seeing me pop a bunch of pills or eating ridiculous amounts of lettuce- please don't let Kalea remember the HCG diet! Haha I don't know if it's all the pressure I had to be a good example for my siblings growing up, but lately the desire is ENORMOUS for me to provide my girls with a good role model for health&fitness in our home and, being the parent that's home with them most I believe it's up to me to be that person. Newsflash, working out everyday is not something that has been up there on my to-do list, um, ever, so this is new for me. But it's good and it's fun to try not to kick them when I'm doing a kick-boxing interval, or to have someone to hand me my weights when I need them, who doesn't love assistance? Also, Kalea loves to tell me "Good job Mom!" or more recently "I'm so proud of you!" while I am dripping sweat, so that's pretty motivating. I am really hopeful that these good habits are here to stay because I am feeling a lot of positive side effects already.

Anyways, these are just the things that we've found a lot easier to do for our own family. Everyone is different and approaches things in different ways, but Steve and I have been very deliberate about certain things and I think it's paying off already. We talked about it again tonight and how warped societies view of fat vs. thin really is. We laughed about the fact that Steve is more prone to call himself fat than I am, which is true I am constantly telling him that he is not fat at all, he's just not toned- huge difference and what does it matter anyway? I am making a much more concerted effort to practice "positive self-talk" and "positive others-talk" and I am sure it's paying off now and I think that's the kind of thing that my girls will be grateful for down the road.
Next Time: Body Talk, past, present, future
Good Reads
http://www.cnn.com/2012/03/16/living/body-image-kids/index.html
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865552034/When-your-body-talks-listen.html

Typical Brynlee

This is a typical moment in Brynlee's day. Everyday around 12/12:30 no matter what she is doing, she stops and comes to the kitchen table. First she unloads all the playdough out of its' assigned drawer and makes a giant tower, then she knocks it down and builds two smaller ones on the edge of the table. Then she grabs all of her coloring supplies and dumps them out on the table and gets to work creating, all the while she is jabbering away to herself or singing/humming. She takes it all very seriously and goes through a myriad of emotions in the process. Haha and the picture with her head down? That is her eating a crayon and trying to hide it from me- it's part of her routine too. She is in a stage right now where she's pushing boundaries and testing the limits whenever she gets a chance, so this daily routine of hers is a welcome break from all the chaos she's creating the rest of the day. I'm so lucky my camera was close enough to catch her in this moment, it really is Brynlee to a T!

Reflections on Year Five

Anniversary Weekend in Banff

Year FIVE. FIVE? FIVE! We can't believe it's been five years, it seems so long and so short all at the same time.

• This year has been the "sweet spot" in our married life so far. I think it's fair to say that we can "read" each other a lot better now, it's almost instinctive and it helps our everyday run so smoothly when we're on the same page. It's really nice to feel like we ARE on the same page almost all of the time now, and this last year has been a smoother ride because of that. Where I'm weak Steve fills the gap and vice versa, it's a really comfortable place to be. We still have all the usual life stresses, but in our relationship there's a lot less tension than in the earlier years, probably because we are more aware of each others needs now.
• I guess another thing that I've neglected to talk about is how nice it is that Steve is around/available to me and the kids quite a bit. This job of his is really conducive to the kind of life that we envision for our family and it's a huge blessing for all of us to be able to not only exist under the same roof, but enjoy being with each other. Our kids are at an age where we are having a lot of fun with them and even when things aren't going great, or we're stressed or whatever, they are a great distraction from those things and they are still offering us glimpses of the "bigger picture" when we need it.
• Friendships have become a lot more important to us this year. It's been harder for us to be as social as we'd like because so often in the last few years Steve has been away or working late and I've been so tired, but we're starting to recognize that we need the adult interaction too. Anyways, we've made some great friends so far and we've made it a goal to get to know more people this year, and reconnect with some old friends too, so hopefully that helps balance out life a little bit.

We are so grateful for the chance we had to get out of the city and enjoy a weekend of just us. It's amazing how refreshing just those 2 nights away really were. We had the best time hanging out with each other and not feeling torn in different directions. The pace of our days was so relaxed, we literally walked around downtown Banff for a few hours and didn't even realize it until we saw the clock when we got back to our hotel. We chowed down on some decent steak and had Sunday Brunch at the Banff Springs Hotel- the salmon was like butter, it was melt in your mouth delicious. We took a few dips in the spa "hot pool", we really wish that we could've splurged on the couples massage too, but holy heck their prices for that were RIDICULOUS, I'm talking my grocery budget for the month ridiculous! I stocked up on our favorite snacks before we left town and brought some games and we literally would come back from the pool and lounge around with not a care in the world, oh evenings without children how we appreciate you... We had a great time on our Grotto Canyon ice walk on Monday morning, if you've never done one you should! It was a decent hike and you get to walk on the frozen creek and enjoy views that you don't usually get to see. Bonus, we had fresh snow so everything was looking really beautiful that morning, it kept snowing too so we got a real good winter hike experience.
We were fortunate that this weekend was actually our Christmas present from Steve's sister and her husband- they found us a great livingsocial deal- so we got to do the ice walk, which is probably something we would have never thought of doing on our own, or would have had a hard time spending money on, but it was really fun and now that we know that, we'd be inclined to splurge and do it again. It also included some sparkling refreshment from the hotel (we opted out of the wine and instead had some sparkling water with orange juice), 2-for-1 ski rentals, a $20 food voucher for a place downtown, plus the hotel gave us a coupon book with really decent deals in it and there were a lot of little perks at our particular hotel. We learned that these livingsocial deals are actually really worth it and we're hoping to do some more throughout the year. The only downside was that if you stay on the weekend you end up paying a room premium, so an extra $15/nt and then they tax you 11% on the full value of the room you were in, so be aware. It wasn't a crazy amount in the end, but it's nice to have a heads up.
All-in-all we really enjoyed celebrating our anniversary, we usually don't do more than go out for dinner so this was a huge treat for us. We are also lucky to have family so close and willing to step in and help us out with our kids so we can do things like this. It's nice that we don't need to be nervous or worried to leave our kids because there's always someone who loves them and is fully capable of managing their craziness for us for a few days. Thanks family!

Reflections on Year Four

Year Four, the year of ADVENTURES
Steve switched jobs this year and started working for Liberty Security(as previously mentioned). It was a great change of pace for him and his job as a Technician is basically right up his alley. This was an extremely busy year work-wise and so I learned how to do the single-parent thing for weeks and months at a time. Steve learned how awesome his wife is.

• Steve got to spend quite a bit of time in the Maritimes that summer. It was really hard to have him gone so much that year since Brynlee was still so little and Kalea was getting way more mobile, thus I was extremely busy and torn in two directions all day everyday. It was over those months that I really grew to appreciate Steve's presence in our home, you really don't know what you've got until the man is gone for a few months. I was functioning on pure survival mode for those long times apart and then as soon as he'd walk in the door I would bawl my face off for a little bit and then we'd go through adjusting to having Daddy home again. Good times.
• This year was also the year that we got to go try living in Saskatoon, away from all of our family and friends. It was short-lived but we had a really fun time together living in a house that had a HUGE yard, and exploring a new city, and all the perks of living somewhere that was super family friendly. I had a massive kitchen to play in, and I had so much fun trying new recipes, Steve and the girls loved it too, although it didn't really help me in the losing weight department, I gained quite a bit while we were there, oops! It rained tons while we were there and we missed our babysitters, namely Nana and Papa. They did come to visit us though and that was really fun. Anyways, it was fun to have that much time together because we knew once we got back home that Steve wouldn't be around much the rest of the summer, so we savored it.
• ROUTINE: The girls and I had to have a routine while Steve was gone for so long. If I had no routine I have no idea how I would've survived those long stretches of him being away. Bedtime for the girls was my saving grace and I would get so excited for Steve to call at the end of his crazy days to tell me all about them, or about some crazy new word that he heard someone say. It was kind of like dating again in the sense that I really did get giddy as a schoolgirl waiting for him to call and then afterwards I could fall asleep no problem. If he missed calling because he worked so late, this would interrupt my routine and I wouldn't sleep as good- true story. Routines save lives in my world.
• Because of Steve's hard work for Liberty in year four we were able to go to Mexico for a much needed week away from our kids. We went for the first week of January 2011 and it was so much fun to go experience a place that was new to both of us. It was a good way to cap off a very busy year and we were both a bit burnt out, so we got some great relaxation time in that week. It was also fun to meet people who Steve works with and some of the other wives who get to suffer through selling season too, at least I'm not the only one right? We loved that trip and are so happy that we have those memories to enjoy for years to come.

It was a year of learning how to sustain a relationship when the other person was absent, and we had to put a lot more effort into it because we were so far apart. That being said, a lot more effort for us just equated to a lot more communication-again. I would jot things down throughout the day so that Steve would know what crazy thing Kalea did or funny thing she said, or some animal we saw outside, etc... It helped him to feel a bit more attached to what was happening here at home even though he was across the country. The worst part of Steve being away was always the adjustment back to co-parenting, haha. I would have my routine and he would get home and disrupt it completely and I had to learn to step back and let him have his "role" back. I think we are a lot better at that adjustment now, but year four gave us a lot of practice in that area. From this year we also learned that we really don't like to be far apart for very long, the scriptures are true, it's not good for a man or a woman to be alone, we function way better together! Our home is a happier place when we are all in it and the kids do a lot better if they have even just 15mins a day of Daddy-time, so do I!
Year 5 recap after my weekend off!